Sunday, 31 December 2006
Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe: Review of the Year, BBC4
• Charlie's claim that 2006 was "the year when we finally all gave up pretending to be independent adults and instead allowed people on telly to advise us on every aspect of our pathetic, pea-sized lives." He cited Trinny and Susannah Undressed as the main offender. "There was no problem that couldn't be solved care of any old cunt with a camera," he added, citing Ian Wright's Unfit Kids which featured an obese mother telling her obese son that he'll be dead by the time he's 25. "That's not just hysterical opinion," Charlie pointed out, "it's an unscientific non-fact."
• Charlie pointing out the hypocrisy of Jamie Oliver's school dinners campaign while he advertises calorific muck
• Grace Dent's Year In The Soaps in which she described Pauline Fowler's brain tumour as "everything horrible she's ever thought about Sonia in one big lump"; the relationship of EastEnders' Gary and Minty as "Bareback Mountain with Spanners"; and Corrie's Tracey and Charlie as "Rose and Fred West depicted by more aesthetic actors."
• Charlie's description of Five's live birth as "the first time TV had witnessed the live arrival of a beautiful baby boy who looked like Mel Smith being woken by a 4am phone call."
• The description of Alex Zane as a "nine-year-old Disney girl"
• The re-enactment of Five's Girls' Guide to 21st Century Sex using two fingers and a saveloy
• The description of Gillian McKeith's X Factor performance as "singing like a wolf being sick out of a car on its way to a tune-murdering factory. If you really are what you eat, she must have eaten an entire pack of howling dogs for breakfast."
• The description of the Big Brother contestants as "preening bell-ends, women so unthinkably bitchy they'd slag off a widow for wearing black to the husband's funeral and the adorable old lady from Harold & Maude."
• The description of I'm A Celebrity as "Cannibal Holocaust re-enacted by soap stars."
• The description of Torchwood. "It felt like a live action remake of Scooby Doo, like watching an episode of Chucklevision with fighting and cum shots."
• The description of Robin Hood as " a cross between an Arctic Monkeys promo and a sword and chainmail roleplay game"
• The description of the All Star Family Fortunes title sequence as "possibly the single worst cultural artifact mankind has yet to produce."
• The comment on Matt Willis's Bushtucker Trial: "Im sure he's not the first boyband member to eat out an arsehole but he's the first to do it on ITV1."
• The heartfelt tribute to sci-fi writer Nigel Kneale by Mark Gattis
In the Flesh: Why we should be shouting about this more
Amid the tremendous bevy of high quality programmes delivered over the past few months – Prey , Happy Valley , From There to Here ...
What to Expect from The Lady Vanishes
Sunday night has long been the home of period drama on BBC One with recent examples being Upstairs Downstairs and Call the Midwife. Thi...
The People Next Door: Thought provoking and disturbing Docudrama
Last year Channel 4 kept trailing a new docudrama called Cyberbully. The ads looked of interest but I have to admit as a man just gettin...
TheCustard chats to Line of Duty mastermind Jed Mercurio
Monday sees the release of Series 3 of Line of Duty on DVD. It's a drama that has literally gripped fans from beginning to end. Ahead o...
We chat to Scott & Bailey writer Lee Warburton
Wednesday saw the welcome return of ITV's Scott & Bailey for a special three-part fifth series. As part of our screenwriters p...
Matt on the Box: Undercover, Marcella, The Durrells, The People Next Door and Drive
Another week has passed in TV land and that means its time for another look back at the biggest shows that have graced our screens in the la...
The TVweek: Saturday 30th April - Friday 6th May 2016
Saturday 7.00pm David Attenborough Wild City Sky1 - With the latest film-making technology, Sir David Attenborough uncovers the unseen natu...
Scott and Bailey: A welcome return
TV is saturated with crime dramas. It's a genre that we all know and love. We've got crime dramas from across the world, but none mi...