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Sunday, 12 January 2014

Sherlock Series 3, Episode 3: His Last Vow

**In a change to the scheduled review, we bring you the following slightly gimmicky, extra cheesy letter, in keeping with the feel of the show**

Dear Mr Moriarty,

To answer your recent question, posited at approximately 21:58 on 12th December, 2014: Yes. Yes I did miss you!

The trouble is, your return has posed a problem for me. You see, while I was not exactly rejoicing at the thought of Sherlock Holmes, your respected nemesis, dying at the hands of Eastern Europeans, I was frankly exhausted by the season finale.


If you are to return, and bring with you a fourth series, could you pass the following information on to Mark Gatiss and his chums. Oh, I forgot, Gatiss is the man known to you as Mycroft Holmes.

 Anyway, the information:


We need lots more of Mary and John. But can they please mainly fight crime together. Domestic bliss is rather boring. On which note, could we have less of Mrs Hudson. She’s a dear old thing but Una Stubbs is getting a bit shrill. We won’t go into the exotic dancing, I’m currently trying to wipe that from my mind palace.


On the subject of mind palaces, I was thrilled when they were first mentioned as I knew all about them and apparently the rest of the country didn’t. But as everyone knows about them now, can we not have them mentioned endlessly? Also, I quite like how London centric the programme is, but can we get over the obsession with the Underground. Specifically the fake houses, we all read about them on Buzzfeed months ago. You’re not being clever.

Similarly, while it would take an incredibly talented actor to overtake you, Jim, as Sherlockian super villain, can you not build up the new baddie only to have be a bit politically clever. Though I did appreciate that entirely unsubtle dig at the Murdoch press. And for heavens sake, no face licking. You always had class, Moriarty. Make sure you don’t lose it.


Ok, enough of what I don’t want. Now for some demands about what I do. More Molly please. Especially the face slapping. I enjoyed that a lot, as I’m sure you did you too, you saucy devil. Was she that feisty when the two of you were together? Or were you too busy scheming to notice? I’d be happy for Sherlock to have a small amount of incredibly awkward romance with Molly. Some of us clicked straight away that Janine was a fake girlfriend.

Which brings me on to another big request. Can we have some plot twists that aren’t signposted in neon? Possibly I am also a high-functioning sociopath with excellent taste in coats, but I do seem to have guessed pretty much everything in that last episode. Haven’t I been saying all series that there’s something about Mary? Hmm...good title for a film that...anyway, the skip code bit was a huge giveaway. Kindly be more subtle. And instruct your fellow performers to chew the scenery less. They must have reasonably good food in the BBC canteen these days.

My final request, is that if you are going to return, which I presume you must be: don’t leave it so long. Two years was a bit ridiculous, even if Sherlock did have to turn into a dragon for an extra special case. One year maximum, at least three full episodes and far less cheese. Well maybe just a tiny bit of cheese from you Jim, seeing as you do it so well. You big tease.

With fond wishes,

Vicky x

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