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Wednesday, 22 October 2014

The Apprentice: Get a whiff of that!

We’re getting quite used to double firings in this tenth series of Aunty Beeb’s reality show, and this week, it was swimming academy owner Lindsay who sank like a stone. To be fair, you’d hardly notice. But during the easy peasy week three task of making something perfumey, she was invisible.

Even if you hadn’t realised she was on a hiding to nothing, when Karren Brady singled her and Nurun out as the weakest links of Team Summit, you knew her days were numbered.

But I get ahead of myself… Yes, the third task saw the teams mixed up (Daniel, Steve and his pet pout and Felipe were sent to Tenacity, while, Summit were lumbered with Lindsay, Nurun and Bianca, who doesn’t look like she has a good word to say about anyone. Ever. Unless they’re called Bianca.


Lord Sugar dispatched the teams to create and sell something that smelled nice, with warnings of profit margins ringing in their ears. For Tenacity, Katie stepped up, insisting that her near-obsession with how her home smelled made her perfectly suited to be project manager. From the very start, all we heard from her was talk of “margins” and keepin’ them as high as possible.

Meanwhile, cool drink of water Roisin and her Walking Dead eyes took charge of Summit, declaring in her soft, lilting tones that she wanted to aim for the high end market to capitalise on the margins Surallan mentioned. Unfortunately for her, not only did she have Sarah - who appears to know nothing about nothing (unless it’s standing around looking vacuous, telling people off for being bossy or being mildly obsessed with lemons) - and wide boy James among her arsenal.

Katie’s Tenacity team created a naff, banana yellow candle - expressly against the advice of Lauren, who had been told by an existing retail what was popular and what wasn’t - which they would flog to the general public and a few posher outlets.


Daniel, who every week tells us the same bollocks - that he’s the best salesman in the universe - struggled to make his mark, with his brightest moment coming when Steven (who couldn’t actually lok daniel in the face afterwards and told Sarah how he’d saved the pitch) pipped him to the post to close a sale

Meanwhile, Summit took their frankly gorgeous product and sold it for, well, a pittance. Roisin did her best to put in place a fixed price they wouldn’t go below, but then she did it herself, before James put on his best barrer-boy show. “Three for a tenner madam? Sold!” And all the while, poor Karren Brady winced in the background.

She had to pull James up before he even got started, when he tried to use an RRP (recommended retail price) for their candles. She reminded him they hadn’t retailed anywhere yet and he couldn’t be misleading…

As the day wore on, Roisin and her Summit allies looked to be cooking on gas - apart from the aforementioned Lindsay, who sold a single candle and spent most of her time skulking in the background farting about with labels. She didn’t so much walk from the boardroom after Surallan fired her but flee in relief.

By the time the day ended, Summit had sold out, while Tenacity still had boxes of unsold product left and it looked certain they were doomed. But Roisin’s top salesman was to be her undoing. James flogged so many reed diffusers that they had none to offer to the very posh hotel owner whose rooms went for 8.5k a night - despite promising him at least 25. He was not impressed, and it cost Summit dear.

Tenacity, despite the crapness of Lindsay, the uselessness of Nurun and the jaw-dropping insanity that is Sarah, scraped a win by a shame-inducing 14 quid. While Katie, her team and her precious margins scampered off for some pampering at a spa, Roisin was left to swallow a bitter pill.

As an accountant, she knew the numbers were the most important thing in this task and Surallan pressed her about it again and again. Luckily, James wouldn’t shut his gob or stop fidgeting, distracting his Sugarness long enough for Roisin to duck his steely gaze.



But ultimately it was Nurun, who won by the skin of her teeth last week and tried to keep her head down this who paid the ultimate price, and followed Lindsay out of the door. While we think Lord Sugar made the right decision, it’s going to be fascinating to see who falls next.

For all their swanky CVs, we have to ask ourselves: who the hell are these people who can’t accomplish the simplest task without making a pig’s ear of it? Bring on next week…

Summit
Felipe - Invisible this week, but that’s a good thing. -  Talent
Steven - Still edgy and looking like he’ll crack any minute - we love him! - Talent
Daniel - Doofus - Tool
Sanjay - Mark’s wing man? Hmmm - Talent (for now)
Solomon - Absolutely nowhere to be seen this week - Tool
James - Oh God, please make him stop - Tool
Mark - Actually came across as a professional this week - Talent

Tenacity
Sarah - We wait for the next ridiculous statement to come out of that hideous lipsticked gob - Tool
Ella - Still whingeing - Tool
Bianca - She’s got a mean streak this one, but maybe hidden depths too? - Talent
Jemma - Still staying in the background, but held her own- Talent
Lindsay - FIRED
Lauren - Sulked when not listened to, though she had a point - Talent
Nurun - FIRED
Pamela - Er… who? - Tool
Katie - Obsession with home-scenting products aside, she didn’t do too bad a job - Talent (just)
Roisin - Ooooh! Got out of this one by the skin of her teeth. We still rate her though - Talent

         The Apprentice Continues Wednesday at 9.00pm on BBC ONE

Read our Review of Week 2
Read our review of Week 1
Contributed by Scheenagh Harrington

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