Did we like it?
Depends on your own perspective. On the plus side, four educated wits mock a bunch of self-serving idiots; on the negative side, four sneering bullies use emotionally stunted morons as verbal punchbags.
What was good about it?
• Jimmy Carr: “Sadly, Shanessa couldn’t be with us – because we didn’t invite her.”
• Jimmy Carr: “Initially 11 women went into the house, and then Ziggy joined them – making a total of 12 twats.”
• Jimmy Carr: “Did you see Channelle back in the house?” Sean Lock: “Is she delivering pizzas already?” Rather predictable, but Lock’s dry delivery made it amusing.
• Jimmy Carr: “20% of Brits think that Charley should… do what?” Sean Lock: “Only communicate by post.”
• Charley became confused by the concept of brain surgery, and Carr suggested she should have a “cosmetic lobotomy”. “How much would it cost?” she asked. “I’ll pay for it!” quipped Carr.
• Billi, the sort of person who was granted the gift of life in the same way someone gets to keep a football when it is booted into their garden and the kids are too scared to ask for it back, finished a clear last in each of the polls about who from the assembled housemates you would like to perform brain surgery on you/ become your pub landlord/ and whose diary you would most like to read.
• This bit could either go here in the ‘good’ section because it was quite funny or in the ‘bad’ section for the merciless mockery of Charley’ cultural ignorance and the general University Challenge snobbery. But because it is her it’s ‘good’. Danny Wallace: “I’d love to see how long it would take for Charley to get into an argument with Ghandi.” Charley: “Who’s Ghandi?” Wallace: “Brilliant!”
What was bad about it?
• In his intro, Carr referred to the 24 housemates who had been part of Big Brother 8. With 18 of them already out of the house and with only one a pariah on a par with a child murderer, there were 17 to choose from to make up the six person Big Brother panel. So why was it necessary to reach back into the distant and largely forgotten past to retrieve Nicki, Lea and likeable goofball Eugene?
• Jimmy Carr: “I don’t like to think of there being winners and losers in Big Brother – they’re all losers.”
• Rotund comic Jason Manford: “Everyone describes Laura as ‘bubbly’ – that’s because she eats too many Aeros.”
• Charley is now too aware of her catchphrase “I’m not being funny”, and too often because her atrocious acting skills it was apparent she was deliberately pre-fixing her words in order to give Carr and the rest a goldmine of (weak) gags, dragging “I’m not being funny” in front of her sentences with all the calculated menace of an unscrupulous car clamper boxing in an unmindful motorist.
• Shabnam laughing hysterically whenever someone insulted her, or she was at least edited to look that way.
• Dull Nicki.
• Jimmy Carr – “The title Big Brother is inspired by George Orwell’s novel 1984 but this year’s casting was inspired by Animal Farm.”
• Clips of the most-talked about moment from BB6 – Craig’s unrequited love for AnTHony, with the hairdressing horror pawing away at the vomiting Geordie. Craig, we learned, is one of the 17 per cent of BB contestants who are hairdressers.
• Science being told that 10 per cent of Big Brother viewers think that Science is a silly name. He tried to rescue his dignity by breaking into one of his awful raps that make the average greeting card verse seem like a great work of poetry.
• Sean Lock suggesting that 34 per cent of BB contestants go back to Asda after they leave the house. The correct answer: they lose weight.
• Jimmy Carr – “Nadia’s post-Big Brother diet was extreme. She cut out all meat and two veg.”
• Dave Spikey envisaging how Jade Goody would fare on Mastermind. “You’ve passed on all 22 questions. The answer to question one was Jade.”
• Jade proving how thick she is. Commenting on Craig creeping around AnTHony: “If that was a man and a woman, that would be called sexily harassment.” Commenting on the suggestion that President Bush is more stupid than her, she said: “I don’t know who these people all are.”
• Clips of the third most-talked about moment from BB6 – Kinga The Bottle Bank aka Kinga The Novelty Wine Rack
• Clips of the second most-talked about moment from BB6 – the hot tub orgy when Makosi “fell pregnant”.
• Science claiming he and Maxwell are “strong characters, strong personalities.” No. You are both big-mouthed losers.
• The sight of Maxwell and Victor in stupid hats; Michelle in a stupid face; Kemal in a stupid haircut.
• The not-worth-the-fee appearances by Liza Tarbuck and Jeremy Edwards