Highlights

• Al’s ability to humiliate his audience yet still get them laughing. This was the best Audience With for years.

• Al’s jingoistic routine with the inflatable globe beginning with some boasts about how Great Britain invented time: “We’re in charge of what time it is all over the world. It means the Germans don’t sit down for their lunch until we say it’s one o’clock.”

• Al on Ireland – “Our cheeky sidekick. We’re like a motorcycle and sidecar. They’d be going nowhere without us. Twenty years ago, Westlife would have been digging the M25. They’ve done well for a bunch of spud-faced, tone deaf chancers.”

• Al on Anglo-Franco relations: “I don’t know why we don’t grow a big hedge up the English channel. Spoil their light.”

• The attempt to get teetotaler Frank Skinner back on the booze

• Al on Switzerland – “Pity the Swiss. They’ve got France to the left, Austria to the right, Germany up above, Italy down below. You’d never sell that flat.”

• Al on the Middle East – “They want to calm down, those Israelis. I don’t like the people down the end of my road but I haven’t bought a tank.”

• Al to Dean Gaffney – “I used to worry about you being acted off screen by that dog.”

• Al on Pop Idol – “A get-rich-quick scheme for chavs.” And his question to Neil Fox – “Can you sing, son? No? Then who are you to judge?”

• Al to Gordon Ramsay – “F is for food, mate; wash your mouth out, you’re filthy.”

• Al’s claim that the screech of Scots means they “can communicate directly with modems”.

• Al on women. “They see themselves as hens, puffed-up clucking creatures; little more than egg-laying machines, woken up each morning by a persistent cock”.

• The impression of a 14-year-old boy having his first pint. “Oh Christ,” he spluttered, spitting out the vile concoction. “That’s disgusting.”

• Al on men who are sleeping with the wives of other men. “You’re riding the horse. Someone else is paying for the hay.”

• Videoing Abi Titmuss and the twin girls from Emmerdale saying “filthy.” And telling Edwina Currie, who was alongside them in the totty box: “Not you, Edwina. This isn’t a specialist video.”

• The surreal routine about how the National Anthem protects the Queen when her yacht goes off course or she falls into the freezer while trying to get some chops.

• Al’s equal opportunities policy – “I let my female staff work longer so they can earn the same as the men.”

Lowlights

• The presence of pointless “celebs” such as Foxy, Bushell, Gaffney, Sorrell, Titmuss.

• The rutting stags routine with Neil Fox

• The overdone jibes at gay Corrie actor Anthony Cotton

• Dean Gaffney stumbling through the National Anthem

• Al’s murder of It’s A Wonderful World

• Rustie Lee wasn’t in the audience. We thought there was a legal requirement for her to appear on such shows.

• The Pub Landlord’s inability to pull a pint that wasn’t 90 per cent froth.