An Audience with Al Murray, ITV1

by | Mar 19, 2005 | All, Reviews


• Al’s ability to humiliate his audience yet still get them laughing. This was the best Audience With for years.

• Al’s jingoistic routine with the inflatable globe beginning with some boasts about how Great Britain invented time: “We’re in charge of what time it is all over the world. It means the Germans don’t sit down for their lunch until we say it’s one o’clock.”

• Al on Ireland – “Our cheeky sidekick. We’re like a motorcycle and sidecar. They’d be going nowhere without us. Twenty years ago, Westlife would have been digging the M25. They’ve done well for a bunch of spud-faced, tone deaf chancers.”

• Al on Anglo-Franco relations: “I don’t know why we don’t grow a big hedge up the English channel. Spoil their light.”

• The attempt to get teetotaler Frank Skinner back on the booze

• Al on Switzerland – “Pity the Swiss. They’ve got France to the left, Austria to the right, Germany up above, Italy down below. You’d never sell that flat.”

• Al on the Middle East – “They want to calm down, those Israelis. I don’t like the people down the end of my road but I haven’t bought a tank.”

• Al to Dean Gaffney – “I used to worry about you being acted off screen by that dog.”

• Al on Pop Idol – “A get-rich-quick scheme for chavs.” And his question to Neil Fox – “Can you sing, son? No? Then who are you to judge?”

• Al to Gordon Ramsay – “F is for food, mate; wash your mouth out, you’re filthy.”

• Al’s claim that the screech of Scots means they “can communicate directly with modems”.

• Al on women. “They see themselves as hens, puffed-up clucking creatures; little more than egg-laying machines, woken up each morning by a persistent cock”.

• The impression of a 14-year-old boy having his first pint. “Oh Christ,” he spluttered, spitting out the vile concoction. “That’s disgusting.”

• Al on men who are sleeping with the wives of other men. “You’re riding the horse. Someone else is paying for the hay.”

• Videoing Abi Titmuss and the twin girls from Emmerdale saying “filthy.” And telling Edwina Currie, who was alongside them in the totty box: “Not you, Edwina. This isn’t a specialist video.”

• The surreal routine about how the National Anthem protects the Queen when her yacht goes off course or she falls into the freezer while trying to get some chops.

• Al’s equal opportunities policy – “I let my female staff work longer so they can earn the same as the men.”


• The presence of pointless “celebs” such as Foxy, Bushell, Gaffney, Sorrell, Titmuss.

• The rutting stags routine with Neil Fox

• The overdone jibes at gay Corrie actor Anthony Cotton

• Dean Gaffney stumbling through the National Anthem

• Al’s murder of It’s A Wonderful World

• Rustie Lee wasn’t in the audience. We thought there was a legal requirement for her to appear on such shows.

• The Pub Landlord’s inability to pull a pint that wasn’t 90 per cent froth.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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