What to say if you liked it
The most chavtastic TV programme of the year, showing Lizzie and Mark leave Rochdale and their boss-eyed brood to run a Blackpool B&B, entertaining “celebrity” guests such as Julie Goodyear, James Whittaker and Big Brother “lovebirds” Stuart and Michelle.
What to say if you disliked it
What sort of society is this that makes stars out of people just because they’re foul-mouthed, ignorant and lazy?
What was good about it?
• Knowing that the Bardsleys will fail in their stated mission: “Their name is mud. Now they want to show their critics that they’re not afraid of hard work.”
• Seeing that the loathsome Lizzie can be shocked: even she bridled a bit when 30 Midlands lads demanded pints from The Braces Bar at 9am
• Lizzie coming over all Catherine Tateish – “How effing dare he!” after taking on one of the lads who taunted her with cries of “Get your tits out for the lads.”
• Lizzie coming over all Uriah Heepish when Daily Mirror royalty hack James Whittaker came to stay. After they overcame the language barrier (“Torst? Oh you mean toast”), Lizzie looked relieved that she could satisfy the fusspot’s demand for freshly-squeezed orange juice, only for her bubble to be burst when she was forced to admit that it actually came in cartons. She did , however, please him with a poached egg after anxiously calling a friend who knew a thing or two about food that doesn’t come in boxes marked “Economy”.
• Lizzie pronounced posh to rhyme with gauche and we love it when people do that.
What was bad about it?
• To our refined tastes (nothing less than a Travellodge will do), the B&B in Blackpool looked about as attractive as a New Orleans basement.
• The B&B’s owner wasn’t a formidable brassy old cow but was the rather surly Mick The Brick who, we were informed, “doesn’t depend on the trade from the blue rinse coffin dodgers” because “it’s a stag and hen mecca.”
• Watching toilet bowls being cleaned and fried eggs with burst yolks doesn’t make pleasant viewing.
• Julie Goodyear pretending she’s a grand dame