The Big Finish With Graham Norton, BBC1

by | Dec 31, 2006 | All, Reviews

10 reasons why Saddam Hussein enjoyed the New Year festivities more than us after we became trapped indoors with only Graham Norton and a sickbag of minor celebrities for company.

• The teams – “15 of the biggest names of the year” – culled from the scrap yards of sport, soaps, news, judges and showbiz (bizarrely featuring Bill Oddie sandwiched between Myleene Klass and Nikki Grahame).

• Wendy Richard, whose white hair gives her a permanent snow-capped look not seen outside of the Alpine slopes, while her frazzled face resembles a patch of mud stamped on by a boot that has then been left to bake solid in the desert sun.

• Every time Myleene Klass is asked a question it contains the word “jungle” as if her whole essence has been subsumed into I’m A Celebrity.

• Again the promise that the prize money would go to charity, not a craving for publicity, was used an excuse to serve up an unpalatable dollop of steaming pseudo-celebrity faeces that would have avid gardeners shovelling them into sacks to fertilise their struggling winter crops.

• Bill Turnbull scented the aromatic rose petals of fame when he appeared on Strictly Come Dancing and now has to shove his cumbersome way to the front each time the BBC News teams are conscripted to something other than glumly read the news.

• Clips of Nikki Grahame stropping “Who is she?” and George Galloway as a cat repeated once more as though the last week of 2006 was on constant repeat after God got a little behind in His preparations for 2007 and had to stall everyone for a short while.

• Louis Walsh looking forever like a liquid man who has had a stone tossed into him causing him to ripple uncontrollably, revelling in his moment of maverick behaviour when he pre-empted an X-Factor reject’s attack by throwing water over her first.

• Emma Bunton resurfacing like a weeping sore for another passionless rendition of Down Town.

• Orson, a crayon drawing of a rock band left behind in a record executive’s boardroom by his brainwashed children.

• Nikki Grahame proving that she is the epitome of the New Stupid; people whose only interest in the world runs along the same flow as Hello!, OK! and Heat, whose general knowledge ceases to function the moment it leaves the safe borders of Kate Moss’s private life.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles

31/12/2006

Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!

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