Did we like it?
We did, a lot, apart from the spurious stories spun by Ant and Dec (“it’s been a bad morning in Birmingham”).
What was good about it?
• The two young Charlies. Ten-year-old jazz singer Charlie Green was the sensation of the show with Summer Wind; 13-year-old Essex comic Charlie Wernham was too cocky for our liking but did have a good rapport with the audience.
• We were especially struck on Strike, the martial artists (especially when they ripped off their vests).
• We succeeded in not having any tears jerked by Madonna, the mum who has left her kids in Manila to make it as a singer. And we didn’t especially like her version of that talent show staple I Will Aways Love You.
• The hilariously farcical ferret dancing act and the impressoinist who could only “impersonate” three MPs. Truly dreadful.
What was bad about it?
• The two parents of three – tubby stripper Glyn and even tubbier dancer Anya – who will have caused their offspring no end of embarrassment.
• Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden proving their worthlessness by voting Anya through.
• The paedo-pleasing, underdressed, over-madeup preteen dancers.