Style It leads the pop show ratings but looks like a cheap nightclub with a lot of teenagers sneaking in.
The chavvy Girls Aloud took part in the standard CD:UK interview – denials of the latest tabloid rumours.
The performances look spectacular when accompanied by effects such as flaming bins (though close-ups reveal these are just painted cylinders with a tiny lighter inside). They certainly make an effort to look good no matter how superficial it really is.
We get to see more of the audience than on other pop shows – all looking fed up with having to be up so early in the morning and bored with looking at the glamorous, heavily made-up pop stars.
The jokes are above average by pop show standards as well, the best one being “CD:UK is more absorbing than Spongebob Squarepants.”
Presenter The departure of Cat Deeley is very bad news for CD:UK. The amiable sugar-sweet Brummie babe has become synonymous with CD:UK and is probably one of the main reasons for its popularity. The guest presenters have been awful. This week it’s someone called Dave Berry, an unshaven young man clothed in a grey jumper and a Cockney wide-boy persona. He said several times that it was his first time on live TV, though he needn’t have bothered as it was obvious. He tried too hard to come across as a crazy fun guy but was even unconvincing when pretending to fluff his lines.
Added extras CD:UK News showed the NME Awards, which was heavily edited so as not to traumatise or corrupt any little kids. All shots of NME’s one fingered salute trophy were pixelated out, and they bleeped Alex Kapranos of Franz Ferdinand for calling Pop Idol crap. The comic highlight of this weeks news was LL Cool J reaching great new heights of rap star arrogance and pretentiousness by comparing himself to Leonardo Da Vinci because he is a rapper AND and actor.
CD:UK Spotlight had interviews with Noel Gallagher being arrogant, Graham Coxon being miserable, Razorlight looking cute and drunk and The Killers being dull.
There’s the obligatory easy competition (According to Daniel Bedingfield, nothing hurts like what? A) love, B) papercuts or C) stubbed toes?). Calls cost £1 a minute, texts cost £1 plus standard network charges.
The acts Female rapper Verbalicious (Billie Piper with bling) performed her latest single and a cringeworthy rap about Posh Spice and Jordan.
Girls Aloud looked like they had been as polished and spray-painted as the motorbikes in their video.
The Faders have been called Avril Lavigne to the power of three or the female Busted by CD:UK, but they look more like the Sugababes with instruments and the song bore a startling resemblance to Girls Aloud’s Love Machine.
The Game, from 50 Cent’s G Unit, seemed to go on for about 10 minutes.
The Kaiser Chiefs gave a brilliant energetic performance of Oh My God and it seems the Franz Ferdinand comparisons that are applied to every newly hyped indie band at the moment might actually be justified here.
G4 did a cover of Justin Timberlake’s Cry Me A River rather than their slaughter of Bohemian Rhapsody, which went in CD:UK’s favour.
The airing of Joss Stone’s new video failed to reach the point where she crashes through a car windscreen even though it isn’t gory, just deeply, deeply stupid.
Jennifer Lopez performed her number one seductively with a cane in the way Liberty X did a lot better three years ago. The song itself sounded like a creaky gate being blown open and shut repeatedly.
Overview The UK’s most popular terrestrial pop music show, with enough to appeal to the whole family but it shouldn’t get complacent as it could be overtaken anytime soon.