Celebrity Big Brother: The Calm after the Storm!

by | Jan 17, 2016 | All, Reviews

Forgive my naivety, but after Tuesday’s explosive comedy of errors, I had thought things would be a little calmer.

Surely, there couldn’t be any more screaming hysterics? Can there?

Why yes, of course there can, when you have this bunch of housemates.  I thought last January’s CBB was pretty full on but it has paled in significance to what we’ve been treated to thus far on CBB17 and we’re still only 10 days in!!!!

So, strap yourselves in because you’re in for a bumpy ride as I talk through my thoughts on the last couple of days in the most talked about house in Great Britain.

First and foremost, I’ve got a confession to make and this is something I NEVER thought I’d write or hear myself say.  Perhaps if I whisper it, it won’t come as such a shock…..I’m warming to Gemma Collins.  I KNOW!!! I can’t believe it either, but I think it’s the fact that she’s surrounded by some absolute bloody weirdos that makes her seem normal and down to earth.  I really did feel quite sorry for Gemma when she was discussing with some housemates, the story behind an ex leaving her.  She’s definitely warmed my bitterly cold feelings towards her.

That puppet task was a bit bloody brutal weren’t it?  Great idea though.  I’d be fuming if someone banned me from sparking up a cig, especially in that house!  The amount of drama that’s occurred over the last week, I’d be reaching for my menthol’s every 30 minutes!

Whoever that was who wrote the tweet for Christopher about being like a batch of piles, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me one of the best laughs I’ve had in ages.  I only wish I could’ve come up with something so hilarious.

The Bromance between Darren and John may end up coming to a premature end, don’t turn your back on John, just in case he sticks a knife between your shoulder blades! Darren looked genuinely distressed to receive that nomination from his so-called friend and despite his wanky excuse stipulating he was looking out for Darren’s wellbeing blah blah blah, I just don’t buy it.  Snake in the grass that one, I’m telling you now! Shifty eyes an’ all.

I feel like we’ve missed out on something quite important, we weren’t treated to Angie calling Gemma a creature (!) or the screaming (thank god), so I’m a little bit at a loss as to why the sudden hate towards Angie.

Cast your minds back a decade now, the non celebrity version of Big Brother introduced us to a then 24 year old Essex girl called Nikki Grahame.  If you’re a long time fan of Big Brother, you’ll remember her.  Classic housemate wasn’t she?  Iconic in fact.

Well, it seems someone has been studying Nikki and her infamous behaviour……

Megan was clearly hangry, no that’s not a typo, I suffer from hanger; an awful combination of hunger and anger but come on now, was there any need for the amateur dramatics?  Although, I have to admit I’d be pretty pissed off if BB plated me up 3 crackers and a F**KING FIG, as Megan so eloquently put it.

Nancy permanently looks like she’s on another planet to me, dazed and confused, which, if I’m honest, I would probably feel the same if I was in that house.

Perhaps she’s wishing she actually is on another planet??

It was always going to get a bit tense in the quote task wasn’t it? I was literally laughing out loud when Tiff admitted to saying she wanted a bit of Jeremy.  My laughter soon turned to frustration when I ended up screaming at the TV (not quite like Tiff mind you) when Steph thanked Big Brother for ‘ruining her relationship’.  I think you did that yourself love, let’s not forget we’ve all seen how you’ve behaved over the last 10 days!

One of my favourite quotes of the series “I want my shoes back” made another appearance and boy didn’t it cause the s**t to hit the fan in an explosive fashion. Cue burst eardrums throughout the country (something tells me this isn’t the first time my ears will be put through sheer hell during this episode).  At least we can all be safe in the knowledge that Gemma got her shoes back.

Is it me or does Megan constantly look like she’s smelt something really offensive?  Perhaps it’s the sheer amount of bull***t emanating from certain housemates mouths…..

Just when you think the tense atmosphere in the house couldn’t get any worse, Big Brother decides to pit the housemates against eachother; Puppets vs. Puppetmasters.  Gemma looks like she’s on the verge of doing a Jonathan Cheban and making a sharp exit and Megan looks like she’s about to implode.

On to a (temporary) lighter note now and we can thank the amazing David Gest for that.  An imaginary Rylan was interviewing him in the smoking corner (?!) complete with Christopher asking David to say hello to Ryan for him.  S**t just got REALLY weird.  I did laugh, however, when David asked “Rylan” if he could perhaps have his hair.  Bless David and his lack of hair follicles.  I adore David and think he’s my new favourite.

When Megan was beginning to get the rage, the camera panned to Scotty T who gave the look I’ve seen on a couple of my boyfriends faces over the years.  An expression of pure annoyance and disappointment, combined with a ‘she is absolutely NOTHING to do with me’ look.

Am I the only one who thought Megan had a point?  OK, so she did herself no favours by going down the whole “he who shouts loudest” route but I respected her for showing she wasn’t afraid to stand up to John.  Who, I’m sad to say, has become the ultimate BB villain in recent days.  I’ve gone right off ‘e.

Once again, the person who seems to be at the very heart of the disagreement is nowhere to be seen.  Steph’s on a ‘please feel sorry for me’ rant in the diary room, blaming Big Brother for her indiscretions.  You just know when she leaves the house she’ll be blaming the ‘editing’ like so many housemates have done previously.

Gemma’s right in what she says, Darren does need to grow some bollocks because right now they’re the size of raisins, he needs to wise up to what his so called mate is up to.

I don’t shock easily, I’ll be honest my language leaves a lot to be desired, I do love a good swear up at times, however, even I was slightly appalled at Megan’s frequent usage of the C word.  She’s a beautiful looking girl and at the risk of sounding well older than my 29 years, seeing her screaming the C word really wasn’t pleasant.

Although we’ve had some quite explosive CBB’s in recent years, I honestly don’t think we have had a series quite like this one and something tells me, as we approach the half way point, things are going to get rather more dramatic…..

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Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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