Highlights:

• The best bits, as is increasingly prevalent in charity shows, were the emotionally draining films such as Ant & Dec’s trip to an appalling slum outside Nairobi. Among the people they met was a mother whose child had died from cholera after playing in a filthy, polluted river. For once, the broadcasting of a celebrity weeping (in this case Dec, who also actually is a celebrity) was fully understandable as it helped convey the horror of the situation.

• Catherine Tate’s sketches all worked well, thanks to sterling work from her co-stars. We loved David Tennant’s bemusement as Lauren unleashed a Shakespearean tirade (“Am I bovvered, forsooth? Looketh at my face, is this a botheredeth face?”); Daniel Craig’s yearning as he played himself falling in love with Elaine (Catherine Tate), and his subsequent despair as he discovered that they were incompatible (“He’s no John Nettles”); and Tony Blair’s shockingly good “Am I bovvered?”. Noel Edmonds didn’t add much to the Deal Or No Deal sketch, but Granny was brilliant, gleefully accepting £199 and walking away.

• Lenny ‘Hectoring’ Henry’s suit designed by a team of children for Beat The Boss not functioning.

• Kate Thornton. No, this isn’t a mistake, she was genuinely a highlight as she now radiates with an inner rage after she was axed from The X-Factor; an anger directed against High Priest of Mammon Simon Cowell. And Paul ‘low-gradey’ O’Grady’s typically abrasive advice to her: “If it had been me, I’d have stuck a brick through his window.”

• The funniest bit was the replay of Davina McCall from the last Comic Relief when she was attacked by bees despite wearing a protective suit. “Can someone get it out? Can someone get it out? Owww!” she wailed, as if expecting either a beekeeper metamorphose into the Pied Piper of Hamelin and coax the bee from her suit with a little ditty or for them to quickly strip her suit off despite the fact they were surrounded by a cloud of bees.

• The Walkmen’s The Rat as the theme tune for the money raised check just before 10pm.

• Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s walk. Almost as funny as Peter Mandelson’s.

• Ricky Gervais’s sketch undermining, in a clever way, the whole Comic Relief malarkey, with help from Stephen Merchant, Bob Geldof and Jamie Oliver (“I haven’t been on TV caring about anything for about three and a half days”)

• Jeanette Krankie going bonkers.

• Russell Brand making us laugh for once. “I use homeless people like vending machines for karma.”

• The Mighty Boosh’s Russian-based drama Pies.

Lowlights:

• The reeling off of the presenters at the start read like a list of debilitating ailments – “Davina McCall! Chris Evans! Kate Thornton!”

• Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars was like a somnolent mushroom cloud of radioactive dreariness settling on proceedings. Take note any aspiring fascist dictators: if you want blind obedience from your peasants install Chasing Cars as your national anthem as it’s popular amongst the brain dead.

• Mr Bean’s Wedding had the odd funny moment such as when the groom (Matthew MacFadyen) knocks out his father-in-law and his bride in an effort to punch the annoying Mr Bean. However, we remember Mr Bean as a bumbling, good-natures buffoon yet here he was a salacious, malicious, juvenile and, worst of all, unfunny creep.

• Harry Hill’s TV Burp was as ever majestically funny, but was sadly just recycled gags from recent weeks spliced crudely together.

• The Little Britain sketches that appeared to have been assembled hastily in a Bangkok sweatshop as a promotional device for the inevitable DVD, but hey remember “it’s all for charity”.

• The dull Creature Comforts special that was too brief and seemed too contrived to match the charm and gentle humour of the original. Ditto for The Vicar of Dibley

• Brian Potter and Andy Pipkin’s version of I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), an exhumation that will hopefully bring down a greater curse on those responsible than looting the tomb of Tutankhamen. The CD is out now. At this very moment. Buy it. It’s for charity.

• Mitchell & Webb’s snooker commentators’ sketch with Chris De Burgh was a bore.

• Horrible hairstyles sported by Chantelle and Claudia Winkleman. We loved Saira Khan’s cropped style, though

• Moyles, Carr and Kielty’s My Way

• The Osbournes and Tim Westwood. Ridiculous people.