Dom Joly’s World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

by | Jan 7, 2005 | All, Reviews

Highlights

1 Dom tiptoeing up to a lonely Inuit angler on a silent frozen lake and then banging a pair of cymbals in his ear before running off.

2 The tourist who joins a woman who is admiring the Taj Mahal. “It’s almost ethereal,” she says. “That is shit,” he says.

3 The woman in the German tourist information office being asked a mathematical problem. “No conferring and show your working out on paper.”

4 The men dressed as schoolboys offering to help a householder. “We can’t do it after five o’clock because we go binge drinking then.”

5 The old man who is 77-years-old and castigates three skateboarders. “I didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy so you can ride bits of wood along here.”

6 Three fat men poking fun at people who are exercising. “Who’s been eating grapes?”

7 The booths in a park where smokers have to go if they want a ciggie

8 The woman with a shopping trolley being persuaded to join a police identity parade, alongside Hannibal Lecter and willingly shouting “I’m going to eat your face.”

9 The stunt where a woman came to the rescue when she heard cries of “let me out” coming from a public toilet – only for a huge turd to leap out and run away

10 British Bob’s Amazing Rocket Jumps in which Bob had a cardboard rocket strapped to his back as he prepared to clear the Grand Canyon.

11 The stereotypical German (in liederhosen) occupying a massive beach towel on a French beach

12 The chav pair who introduced themselves to their new neighbour – accompanied by their smoking horse Dean. “At three o’clock, he likes a gallop so you might hear him going up and down.”

13 The Pest Control van which pulled up and nabbed a traffic warden

14 The sunbathing couple who were disturbed by Noddy in a remote control car

15 The use of the Teardrop Explodes track in the opening titles

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – DJ Dom being booed off at London’s Ministry of Sound nightclub for mixing in Terry Scott’s My Bruvver into his eclectic garage set.

2 – Dom, wearing an eyepatch and a sling, telling a man outside a hospital: “I think I’m the world’s unluckiest man healthwise.” His long list of sad stories included: “I got hit by an ambulance. I blame Thatcher because that ambulance was too busy and they had to send another ambulance. And that hit me, too.”

3 – The disabled thief dipping into a shopping trolley at a supermarket and a handbag in the street. “I’m a Vietnam veteran,” he protested when apprehended.

4 – The business lounge set up at a Putney Common bus stop. “I’m waiting for the business bus, not the ordinary one.”

5 – Dom telling a fellow tourist at the Colosseum: “That is shit.”

6 – Overgrown schoolboys nervously buying condoms at the chemist

7 – The druids appealing for money – or cider.

8 – The pizza deliverer who ends up in an ID parade.

9 – The man with the noisy machine disturbing folk relaxing by the river

10 – The Colombian gigolo and the Greek ambassador failing in their pursuit of sex

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 The disgruntled artist chatting to a couple of hick sightseers outside the Saatchi Gallery, moaning about the success of his contemporaries (Damien, Tracey, Chapman Brothers etc) while he has to earn a living doing charcoal drawings of idiot tourists

2 The disillusioned hermit chatting to a couple of picnickers. “I’m thinking of chucking it in. Squirrel omelette isn’t my idea of haute cuisine. I was in Stoke Newington before so it’s a bit of a jump.”

3 The man trying to attract tourists to the burning of Carla Laine for charity (“We tried to get Jade Goody”)

4 The tourist at the pyramids. “This is shit.”

5 The You Big Fat Liar reality show in which brash presenter Tommy Gold picked on the wrong cheating man in a restaurant

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 Creeping up on a man idling away his time in the Middle Of Nowhere, USA, and crashing a cymbal in his ear.

2 The Goth’s chat with the lovely, cheery old picnicking couple. “My parents raised me in a coffin.”

3 The nerds mocking skateboarders. “Bet you don’t know the speed of sound.”

4 The disappointed audience members who paid 50p to see Michael The Human Onion

5 Making a telephone booking at a country inn in Wales as Mr and Mrs Smith and turning up with a sheep

6 The stunt in which a cabbie was told to “Follow that taxi” and ended up in a warehouse full of cabs with their gagged owners tied up.

7 The Greek ambassador tries to chat up a man in Cheltenham

8 The fake London bus whose driver asked directions to a chemist. “I need my anti-depressants.”

9 The Great Wall of China – “It’s shit.”

10 The 77-year-old going out of control on his mobility vehicle.

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – The bitter town crier who walks along the same street on the hour throughout the night, moaning loudly about council cuts that have cost him his job

2 – The Radikal Facial Improvement Centre which offers cheek blasting – “In experiments on animals, some of their skin comes back in a month” – and features screaming customers

3 – The gay toilet attendant, chatting with his urinating customers with Soft Cell playing in the background.

4 – Dom crashing his cymbals behind a golfer preparing for a tricky putt.

5 – The room service waiter who ignores the fact that a customer is sitting by the window with a rifle in his hand

6 – An England skinhead slags off French literature to a group of American tourists in Paris. The former hooligan has studied at the Sorbonne so he knows. “I’ve read it all and it’s rubbish.”

7 – The man dressed as a parcel addressed to Miami trying to sidle into a sorting office, and the man dressed as a turd shopping for toilet roll

8 – The men dressed as schoolboys trying to buy four bottles of whiskey. “We’re going binge drinking in the park.”

9 – Dom accosts a tourist outside Bilbao’s Guggenheim Museum. “That is shit. Total shit.”

10 – The sad Goth shopping for a gas oven. “I need it quite quickly. I want to get it over with this evening.”

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – Dom faints in an art gallery after being told a crappy sculpture costs $28,000. And he faints in an opticians after being told a pair of glasses cost $1100.

2 – A traveller bores a nice couple as they look at the Eiffel Tower. “I love travelling. I’ve been everywhere,” he tells them. His tales include: “India – what a dump! There’s poverty there that I haven’t seen since I went to Dorset.”

3 – The 77-year-old man’s mobility vehicle goes out of control – and despite help from a kind woman, he still manages to crash into fences and walls.

4 – A Hari Krishna troupe fight over a tambourine and then beg for money to buy beer and kebabs

5 – Dom is being flown over the Grand Canyon. “That is shit,” he tells the pilot. “Can we go back?”

6 – Dom creeps up on an artist painting the Notre Dame and crashes his cymbals before running away

7 – A busker is bundled into a van by pest control officers

8 – A perspex VIP lounge containing Dom and two dolly birds slides on to a nightclub dancefloor

9 – Dom sticks a “closed due to unforeseen circumstances” on the window of a psychic’s premises in America

10 – A funeral cortege gets lost on the way to St Dennis’s church

11 – A wideboy at a carboot sale offers weasels and a gun– plus cushion covers for £1m each. “That’s London prices.”

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles

07/01/2005

Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!

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