Highlights

1 Dom tiptoeing up to a lonely Inuit angler on a silent frozen lake and then banging a pair of cymbals in his ear before running off.

2 The tourist who joins a woman who is admiring the Taj Mahal. “It’s almost ethereal,” she says. “That is shit,” he says.

3 The woman in the German tourist information office being asked a mathematical problem. “No conferring and show your working out on paper.”

4 The men dressed as schoolboys offering to help a householder. “We can’t do it after five o’clock because we go binge drinking then.”

5 The old man who is 77-years-old and castigates three skateboarders. “I didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy so you can ride bits of wood along here.”

6 Three fat men poking fun at people who are exercising. “Who’s been eating grapes?”

7 The booths in a park where smokers have to go if they want a ciggie

8 The woman with a shopping trolley being persuaded to join a police identity parade, alongside Hannibal Lecter and willingly shouting “I’m going to eat your face.”

9 The stunt where a woman came to the rescue when she heard cries of “let me out” coming from a public toilet – only for a huge turd to leap out and run away

10 British Bob’s Amazing Rocket Jumps in which Bob had a cardboard rocket strapped to his back as he prepared to clear the Grand Canyon.

11 The stereotypical German (in liederhosen) occupying a massive beach towel on a French beach

12 The chav pair who introduced themselves to their new neighbour – accompanied by their smoking horse Dean. “At three o’clock, he likes a gallop so you might hear him going up and down.”

13 The Pest Control van which pulled up and nabbed a traffic warden

14 The sunbathing couple who were disturbed by Noddy in a remote control car

15 The use of the Teardrop Explodes track in the opening titles

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – DJ Dom being booed off at London’s Ministry of Sound nightclub for mixing in Terry Scott’s My Bruvver into his eclectic garage set.

2 – Dom, wearing an eyepatch and a sling, telling a man outside a hospital: “I think I’m the world’s unluckiest man healthwise.” His long list of sad stories included: “I got hit by an ambulance. I blame Thatcher because that ambulance was too busy and they had to send another ambulance. And that hit me, too.”

3 – The disabled thief dipping into a shopping trolley at a supermarket and a handbag in the street. “I’m a Vietnam veteran,” he protested when apprehended.

4 – The business lounge set up at a Putney Common bus stop. “I’m waiting for the business bus, not the ordinary one.”

5 – Dom telling a fellow tourist at the Colosseum: “That is shit.”

6 – Overgrown schoolboys nervously buying condoms at the chemist

7 – The druids appealing for money – or cider.

8 – The pizza deliverer who ends up in an ID parade.

9 – The man with the noisy machine disturbing folk relaxing by the river

10 – The Colombian gigolo and the Greek ambassador failing in their pursuit of sex

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 The disgruntled artist chatting to a couple of hick sightseers outside the Saatchi Gallery, moaning about the success of his contemporaries (Damien, Tracey, Chapman Brothers etc) while he has to earn a living doing charcoal drawings of idiot tourists

2 The disillusioned hermit chatting to a couple of picnickers. “I’m thinking of chucking it in. Squirrel omelette isn’t my idea of haute cuisine. I was in Stoke Newington before so it’s a bit of a jump.”

3 The man trying to attract tourists to the burning of Carla Laine for charity (“We tried to get Jade Goody”)

4 The tourist at the pyramids. “This is shit.”

5 The You Big Fat Liar reality show in which brash presenter Tommy Gold picked on the wrong cheating man in a restaurant

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 Creeping up on a man idling away his time in the Middle Of Nowhere, USA, and crashing a cymbal in his ear.

2 The Goth’s chat with the lovely, cheery old picnicking couple. “My parents raised me in a coffin.”

3 The nerds mocking skateboarders. “Bet you don’t know the speed of sound.”

4 The disappointed audience members who paid 50p to see Michael The Human Onion

5 Making a telephone booking at a country inn in Wales as Mr and Mrs Smith and turning up with a sheep

6 The stunt in which a cabbie was told to “Follow that taxi” and ended up in a warehouse full of cabs with their gagged owners tied up.

7 The Greek ambassador tries to chat up a man in Cheltenham

8 The fake London bus whose driver asked directions to a chemist. “I need my anti-depressants.”

9 The Great Wall of China – “It’s shit.”

10 The 77-year-old going out of control on his mobility vehicle.

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – The bitter town crier who walks along the same street on the hour throughout the night, moaning loudly about council cuts that have cost him his job

2 – The Radikal Facial Improvement Centre which offers cheek blasting – “In experiments on animals, some of their skin comes back in a month” – and features screaming customers

3 – The gay toilet attendant, chatting with his urinating customers with Soft Cell playing in the background.

4 – Dom crashing his cymbals behind a golfer preparing for a tricky putt.

5 – The room service waiter who ignores the fact that a customer is sitting by the window with a rifle in his hand

6 – An England skinhead slags off French literature to a group of American tourists in Paris. The former hooligan has studied at the Sorbonne so he knows. “I’ve read it all and it’s rubbish.”

7 – The man dressed as a parcel addressed to Miami trying to sidle into a sorting office, and the man dressed as a turd shopping for toilet roll

8 – The men dressed as schoolboys trying to buy four bottles of whiskey. “We’re going binge drinking in the park.”

9 – Dom accosts a tourist outside Bilbao’s Guggenheim Museum. “That is shit. Total shit.”

10 – The sad Goth shopping for a gas oven. “I need it quite quickly. I want to get it over with this evening.”

World Shut Your Mouth, BBC1

1 – Dom faints in an art gallery after being told a crappy sculpture costs $28,000. And he faints in an opticians after being told a pair of glasses cost $1100.

2 – A traveller bores a nice couple as they look at the Eiffel Tower. “I love travelling. I’ve been everywhere,” he tells them. His tales include: “India – what a dump! There’s poverty there that I haven’t seen since I went to Dorset.”

3 – The 77-year-old man’s mobility vehicle goes out of control – and despite help from a kind woman, he still manages to crash into fences and walls.

4 – A Hari Krishna troupe fight over a tambourine and then beg for money to buy beer and kebabs

5 – Dom is being flown over the Grand Canyon. “That is shit,” he tells the pilot. “Can we go back?”

6 – Dom creeps up on an artist painting the Notre Dame and crashes his cymbals before running away

7 – A busker is bundled into a van by pest control officers

8 – A perspex VIP lounge containing Dom and two dolly birds slides on to a nightclub dancefloor

9 – Dom sticks a “closed due to unforeseen circumstances” on the window of a psychic’s premises in America

10 – A funeral cortege gets lost on the way to St Dennis’s church

11 – A wideboy at a carboot sale offers weasels and a gun– plus cushion covers for £1m each. “That’s London prices.”