Dragon’s Den Series 2, BBC2

by | Dec 20, 2005 | All, Reviews

Dragons’ Den, BBC2, Tuesday 15 November 2005

What to say if you liked it

Five leviathans of business anoint their omniscience upon lesser mortals in acts of selfless altruism.

What to say if you didn’t like it

Five ancient wyrms imbue their elitist egos on the world using hapless quasi-entrepreneurs as conduits for their deluded dogma.

What was good about it?

• Despite the Dragons mostly being incorrigibly unpleasant, they have the same appeal as Simon Cowell and Sharon Osbourne on the X Factor (not Louis Walsh, he is forever worthless) when they castigate and perforate the dreams of the nascent businesses.

• Stef and his Rack-A-Stacker. The taxi driver’s design to ensure stacks of beer didn’t collapse in the fridge was inventive, but the Dragons were discouraged by the absence of patents, and only sketchy affirmation of interested consumers. The Dragons who did stump up the cash wanted to devour too much of his company equity and so he waddled down for the soothing post-match interview with ever-cheery presenter Evan Davies.

• The very funny rubbish ideas the Dragons were presented with. “Super-Knees” were simply roller skates attached to the knees to enable someone to move quickly and agilely about the floor when doing a task; themed adult pyjamas such as Star Trek uniforms were laughed at.

• The ineptitude of some of the tenders for investment. Claire has ordered £100,000 worth of baby pants, each emblazoned with a name, without having the means to pay for it, no quality control checks, and no deals with stores in order to sell it. It’s a “mental thing” as to why she hasn’t even phoned around to hawk her wears.

• The way in which Rachel Elnore’s credibility seems to have been cripplingly undermines by the recent collapse of a company she founded. Theo and Peter expertly exploited this when they listed their recent achievements, while she had to mumble something about her ability to market a product. And when Andy had a choice of Theo and Peter’s investment and Rachel’s, he plumped for the dystopic duo even though she had demanded less of a share of the company.

What was bad about it?

• The introduction of the Dragons where each was observed indulging in one of the most reprehensible acts of the wealthy in which they visually stamp on the face of anyone who isn’t a millionaire.

• Doug Richard sailed his yacht aimlessly, only the emotionally senseless and jackpot winners on Bullseye possess yachts.

• Duncan Bannatyne drove his sports car with all the smug conceit of a militia leader in some corrupt former Eastern Bloc state.

• Theo Paphitis was shown flying in his helicopter – the travel of choice for those who’ve had their blood replaced by liquid gold.

• Rachel Elnore was seen chattering pointlessly in the back seat of a lavish car; and Peter Jones was a passenger on a private jet.

• The unnecessary piles of cash on the Dragons’ faux-Parisian café tables, which combines the grotesque excesses of capitalism with the imagery of philosophy and intellect.

• Alex, the barmaid who wanted to promote her olive snacks in pubs and clubs. She branded every Spaniard “dishonest”, which slammed shut any hope she had of persuading the Dragons to back her venture. Of course, this had the rather unpleasant side effect allowing the Dragons to adopt a sanctimonious stance. Nobody who owns a yacht or private jet is able to assume a moral stance against anybody else in the world this side of mass murderers.

• Andy, whose application was unique in securing the Dragons’ funding. His idea was a remote aerial so boat owners could link remotely to the internet through their laptops. Marinas are depressing places. Nobody really likes sailing and boating, these vessels squat unmoved in marinas having only the practical value of a gold chain.

• The editing and production process is very similar to the X Factor, in that the only successes are artificially placed at the conclusion of the show to award the illusion of a “happy ending” (“just as the judges despair at the Birmingham auditions can Jemima brighten up their day”). And also, it’s rumoured that only the best and worst auditions got through to see the judges on X Factor, and there is a sense that it’s the same on Dragons’ Den – the best to invest in, and the worst to ridicule.

Dragon’s Den, BBC2, Tuesday 22 November 2005

Mauling of the week: suffered by Amanda, the strident, shouty woman whose on-line guide to stylish places (yuck) failed to impress, even though she bragged that Mica Paris (wow) turned up to the launch party

Rollercoaster of the week: Jay with his flatpack crockery who started well – his nifty assembly of his wares impressed us – but then fell flat before receiving two offers which he turned down because the dragons wanted to consume too much of his business

Loser of the week: bluff Yorkshire man David with his interflush water saving device. Got bogged down in a row about looking into the toilet pan to ensure everything had disappeared before being told: “You haven’t got a clue, have you?” We suspect he won’t be flushed with success.

Winner of the week: Puma-hunting, Bolton-supporting Danny with his bedlam cube. Great idea, nice guy and a good outcome when he aroused the interest of Rachel and Theo.

Rubbish of the week: the device enabling women to urinate while standing, called the She-Wee; the diamante G-string, the pole dancing fitness classes

Dragon’s Den, BBC2, Tuesday 29 November 2005

Mauling of the week: suffered by Londoner Dom with some computer-type thing (we never really learned what it did). The judges were all very insulting, but Theo had the best putdown:” The wheel’s going round but the hamster died long ago.”

Rollercoaster of the week: William who almost got a deal for his student accommodation website

Rubbish of the week: the shaving foam “that brings shaving out of the Dark Ages”; funky (and expensive) flip flops; avant garde jewellery; a bit of carboard that attached a lighter to a packet of fags; sports drinks and powders; the jet-propelled surf board

Winner of the week: chirpy Julie who got a deal for her business selling baby products, even though it’s has the horrendous name of Truly, Madly, Baby. Peter and Theo battled to invest, with Peter coming out on top.

Dragon’s Den, BBC2, Tuesday 6 December 2005

Mauling of the week: Jonathan’s taxi advertising idea which really got the judges in a fiery fury. “I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than invest in this,” said Theo, to which confrontational William replied: “I wouldn’t want to work with you.” The other judges didn’t like his attitude – and Peter slagged off his clothes. “You just need money which clearly you need because you couldn’t afford a suit today.”

Mauling of the week (2): Gary and Lindsay’s K92 poop scoop, a revolutionary rubber thing one wears while walking the dog and avoids all those bending-down-to-pick-up-the-muck blues. “The singlemost over-engineered solution to a problem I’ve ever seen,” exclaimed Doug. “I’d never wear that ghostbusters device. Bending over – it’s not the end of the world.”

Rollercoaster of the week: Graham and Barry, back for a second bite at the cherry with their baby rocking invention, the Dream Machine. They impressed with a video in which the device took an infant from wailing to silence in 30 seconds. They nearly got cash, but only if they’d have nothing to do with running the company, but they ran out of steam – and interest – and melted in a pool of perspiration.

Winner of the week: there were none

Rejects of the week: the Yakibox (rejected but only after the dragons had scoffed the lovely Japanese food it contained); chocolate photographs (only available in white); a hip clip (to attach drinking bottles to the belt); organic face and body products (total loss so far – £240,000); emergency concrete covered tents for disaster zones; a pasta making machine; Chinese ready meals; a device to stop pirate videos being recorded in cinemas

Dragon’s Den, BBC2, Tuesday 13 December 2005

Mauling of the week: Handed out to Menal and her Bollywood boardgame (which would probably have run into patent issues with the Trivial Pursuit creators anyway). As she went on and on and on, the producers flashed between the bored faces of the dragons. When she finally stopped, Duncan laid in with: “I’d rather play a game of snakes and ladders”; Peter found the pitch “boring, uninspiring, certainly not captivating, far too long”; and Theo added: “You made an absolute hash of the presentation.” No offers of investment were forthcoming.

Rollercoaster of the week: Ireland’s Thomas got short shrift from three of the judges for his motocross kart – with fashion fetishsta Peter ranting about Thomas’s jeans – but Theo and Duncan were tempted and made offers. But then Thomas ruined it all by laughing off his VAT debts.

Winner of the week: Paul with his circus troupe (the ones who were brilliant in the Millennium Dome). Theo and Peter invested; Duncan just sneered as usual. Does that man really have any money? He never parts with any.

Rejects of the week: environmentally-friendly cofffins (“I personally think you should bury the business,” quipped Peter), a device to apply lotion to one’s back, jewellery which can also tighten football studs; a sports magazine being promoted by a man who poured with sweat; a lightbulb-changing device; an indoor waterlamp; an electronic target for football practice and a sticky label enterprise.

Dragon’s Den, BBC2, Tuesday 13 December 2005

Rollercoaster of the week: Dr Mike from Loughborough University (catchphrase: “efficacy data”) stood up to the bullying dragons as he tried to sell his Respivest. Duncan was as miserable as ever (“So your market is a 60-year-old emphysema sufferer, huh?”) but Peter was almost prepared to part with his money before he bottled in the end.

Winner of the week: nervous David who sweated and struggled to get his words out before convincing Theo and Duncan to invest £225,000 (a series record) in his stands for plasma TVs. The shocking scene of Duncan parting with his money was a surprise and it left Doug as the only dragon who’d failed to cough up through the entire run.

Rejects of the week: included a sickbag that turn vomit into gel and the Relax Kids products pitched by fairytale telling Maretta who was doing quite well until turning the capitalists apoplectic by saying: “I didn’t set up Relax Kids to make a whole heap of money.” Not being greedy enough was her undoing.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles

20/12/2005

Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!

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