• Brian Potter turning up in the BBC1 ident featuring the wheelchair basketball players – and toppling over. “I’m like a ladybird.”
• Harry Hill’s TV Burp on a miserable year in the soaps, a tea-obsessed year in EastEnders
• Jim Broadbent as a down-at-heel, out-of-fashion Batman, now driving a BatClio
• The visual gags, Mackenzie Crook as the sinister boffin and Simon Pegg as the CBeebies reporter in Spider-Plant Man. But Rowan Atkinson’s funny-til date expired many years ago.
• Peter Kay’s Amarillo featuring Ken & Deirdre, Max & Paddy, Jimmy Savile & Sally Lindsay, Mr Blobby & Jim Bowen, Danny Baker & someone (we’ve now been informed it was Mrs McCartney), Sooty & Sweep, Parky & Ronnie Corbett, Bez and Shaun Ryder, Queen, Shakin’ Stevens, Geoffrey & Bungle, Brian Potter and the main man himself, Tony Christie
• The Little Little Britain intro, describing our fine country as heaven on Earth. “Ribena is plentiful, shoelaces are available in different lengths and there’s a new Fred Bassett cartoon every day in the Daily Mail.”
• Sebastian accusing the chief admiral (Simon Callow) of trying to seduce the PM. “Oh, she’s so blatant!”
• Andy asking Lou to invite George Michaels to his birthday meal at the Harvester, and then ignoring him when he turns up. “I don’t like him. I prefer Tony Hadley.”
• The rather heartwarming Vicar Of Dibley. The best bit was the old geezer thinking Ready, Steady, Cook had come to the village, not Antiques Roadshow, so he turned up with cauliflower, chicken, onions etc.
• Catherine Tate as chav schoolgirl Lauren, taking part in Simon Amstell’s Q&A with McFly. “Why is they so rubbish?” “Are you gutted that Charlie left?” “I ain’t McBothered.”
• Angus Deayton’s return to the BBC, hosting University Challenge
• Edith Bowman’s Fame Academy triumph against Little Miss Perfect.
• All those wonderful contributions from altruistic companies who would, we are sure, have coughed up even if they hadn’t received any exposure whatsoever on primetime BBC1
• Ricky Gervais’s video diary: laughing at David Brent’s dance en route to New York, enjoying a facial massage, champagne and cigars; giggling with David Bowie; sleeping with all his awards etc. “I don’t normally like doing stuff for charity because it’s boring and there’s nothing in it for me.”
• Ricky Gervais on what Comic Relief means to him – “Robbie Williams helping out a catchphrase-based sketch show.”
• Ricky Gervais plays down Africa’s problems. “We had a drought here in the long, hot summer of 1976. We had a hosepipe ban in Reading. We’ve all got our problems. My mum having to sneak out after dark to water her roses. With her back. I had to share a bath with a friend of my grandfather. Ten quid’s a lot to a kid.”
• Robbie Williams becoming a lady after a visit to Emily’s Things. “Bloody poof,” growled Emily as Roberta minced off up the street.
• The monosyllabic bank employee refusing to take part in a charity fun run. “The computer says no.”
• Vicky Pollard on Trisha, thinking the theme must be “Teens in trouble” or “I’ve two babies and I’m only 12” or “I Wanna Be A Lap Dancer” but them finding out it’s for a reunion with her dad Ken, who demands a DNA test when he sees her.
• Alan Partridge’s interview with a former Milky Bar Kid (Simon Pegg) who’d endured hard times since making the ad, turning to drink, drugs and prostitution. “We’ve all done things we regret,” Alan pointed out. “I once tried to kiss Barbara Dickson in a lift.”
• Chris Evans turning out to be the best host of the night
• Little Denis Waterman being dwarfed by his agent Jeremy Rent’s baby granddaughter.
• Dafydd interviewing Elton John for the Llandewi Breffi Gazette. “Are you married?” “Any kids?” “Is David Furnish your nephew?” “When you were chairman of Watford, did you let the manager make all the decisions or would you come down and pull someone off at half time?” “You’re well known for your generosity. Do you like to splash out on David?” “What’s it like kneeling down before a queen? Do you get a lump in your throat?”
Catherine Tate and Peter Kay’s curmudgeonly couple watching Comic Relief. “I’m not ringing in to send a load of glue sniffers yachting.”
Staff liaison officer Sue’s efforts to raise cash from the Green Wing medics
• Keira Knightly looking lovely
The humility and humour in Lenny Henry’s reports from Africa. Ditch the comedy, mate (Lenny’s Condaleeza Rice routine was the nadir of the night) and concentrate on documentary making.
• Graham Norton lusting over Nigel Harman
• Seeing how Mel & Griff, the Ab Fab team, Alistair McGowan and Ronni Ancona, and John Cleese have become pale, unfunny shadows of their former selves
• The Drunken Fame Academy Karaoke. Very messy.
• All the technical cock-ups. Especially the one that could have cost Edith dear in Fame Academy.
• Cat Deeley’s hair
• Patrick Kielty’s everything
• Dick and Dom’s Bogeys with Rupert Grint and Sara Cox. Snot funny.
• My Family. “The crap goes on and on and on,” to quote Robert Lindsay’s Ben
• Rachel Stevens. Can’t sing, can’t act, can’t keep Jeremy Edwards as happy as Kenzie can
• The lack of close-ups of Dougie and the sight of Chris Evans in yellow slacks during McFly’s performance
• Jack Dee being forced into grim silliness and having to ham it up in such a painful manner.
• The meeting of “larger than life” Lenny Henry meeting “larger than everybody” Chris Moyles.