Escape to the Legion, Channel 4

by | Mar 1, 2005 | All, Reviews

What to say if you like it?

While other reality shows get people to masturbate pigs, spend a few days with Paul Dannan or drag up as beauty queens, this one really has balls, sending 12 British guys into the Sahara to be shaved. shattered and shat on by bullying veterans of the French Foreign Legion.

What to say if you dislike it?

A bloody reality show without a chance for us to vote. How ridiculous!

What was good about it?

• Narrator/expedition leader Bear Grylls. “Through adversity, we hope to discover deep inside what kind of men we really are,” he told us as the 12 mad men set off on their daunting experience.

• There was a good balance of men, including ex-army Kurt, who showed off his blisters proudly, wedding dress designer Dean, Cockney gardener Richard, Lee, who hurt his back, and gobby boxer Burf (what sort of name is that?!).

• Scary instructor Peter Hauser, with his John Lennon glasses and ‘Allo ‘Allo accent, telling the volunteers “Don’t think any more. Just do what we tell you to do.”

• Wayne who, despite suffering diarrhea, kept going on the run up massive sand dunes – an ordeal Bear described as “like climbing a wall of treacle.”

• The grainy filming technique which gave an almost romantic feel to the exercise

• Lots of camels. We love camels.

What was bad about it?

• Lots of sweat. We don’t like sweat.

• Loathsome little American instructor Glenn. “I need men, not a bunch of screaming women,” he barked upon meeting the men. “Pain is weakness leaving your body, ” he philosophised as he made the men run in seering heat. “Not like women, not like homosexuals, like men,” the sadist commanded as he forced the men to do pull-ups.

• The men were forced to sleep while songs from the German SS boomed out on a ghetto blaster

• Scottish computer salesman Terry lacked the hard drive needed and quit within 24 hours, even though it meant he was locked in segregation and was only let out to see the others punished for his decision. “It’s been a long way to come for a haircut,” Bear commented as Terry was escorted away.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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