Did we like it?

The presence of Sharon Osbourne ruined it.

What was good about it?

• Gordon’s turkey looked tasty (if a little poncey)

• Gordon lost to Hugh F-W in the chocolate tart challenge

• Gordon cooking Thai turkey curry with a bunch of convicts in HMP Doncaster and not judging them, apart from their culinary ability, and not making any reference to buggery

• Giles Coren’s report on why we should eat Christmas dinner every day was interesting (it stops kids turning to crack cocaine, apparently)

What was bad about it?

• Sharon Osbourne didn’t choke on the oysters which, in her inelegant way, she reckoned looked like bogies, smelt like old fanny and felt like testicles.

• Sharon Osbourne didn’t get burnt when she was taken to the kitchen to learn how to make lamb chops

• Hugh F-W didn’t shove the whole of his tart in Sharon’s miserable face when he was feeding her

• We’d rather that neither of the underwhelming contestants in the commis chef showdown ever have anything to do with anything we eat.