Grumpy Old Women Series 1, BBC2

by | Mar 18, 2005 | All, Reviews

Grumpy Old Women, BBC2

1. Maureen Lipman: “You buy ridiculous liquors, or you open and then drink that which you bought in Marbella six years ago that tastes like turps and has gangrene around the top.”

2. Arabella Weir on awful Christmas presents: “The mother of a friend bought her a used soap-on-a-rope that had pubic hair on it.”

3. Jenny Éclair: “There is a cult of Christmas where people start thinking of a theme in October, ‘I think I’ll have a tartan Christmas’. When you’ve got a life, these sort of things slide into insignificance.”

4. Jane Moore on her feelings after her daughter secured the role of Mary in her school Nativity Play: “I never got to be Mary as my mother kept giving me Oliver Cromwell haircuts. The nearest I got to the crib was as a blade of grass.”

5. Jenny Éclair: “Have you ever tried to get a turkey out of the oven? It’s very heavy. It’s like trying to get a fat child out of a playpen.”

Grumpy Old Women, BBC2

1 – Arabella Weir – “When some disgusting man in their late 50s is flirting with me, it’s like ‘Like I’d look at you’. That’s probably what waiters are thinking about me when I say ‘Is there any chance I could have a cappuccino now?’ in that I’m-just-adorable way.”

2 – Arabella Weir – “I’m turning into my mother in that my fridge is full of mouldy food. I’ve decided that the sell-by date is just a conspiracy to make you buy more stuff.”

3 – Jenny Eclair – “My body is in remarkable shape – when I’ve got my clothes on.”

4 – Nina Myskow on bingo wings – “No woman should ever wave goodbye, especially in the summer.”

5 – India Knight on beauty products – “It’s just a conspiracy to make women feel really insecure about the way they look. They make you feel there’s so much to do before you go out. It’s vicious and bad.”

6 – Jilly Cooper – “You remember that, if your tits have gone, you can hold a pen underneath them? I tried that the other day and I thought, what a blessing for a writer.”

7 – India Knight on old women’s clothing – “I’m going to resist for as long as I can but probably one morning I’ll wake up and swathe my self in greige or beige.”

8 – Germaine Greer – “There are tremendous upsides to being invisible. You can observe; life is more interesting. When you’re self-involved and see yourself at centre stage all the time, you’re in agonised self consciousness. It’s wonderful not to care about that anymore.”

9 – Footage of fat women on beaches

10 – Footage of the middle-aged women staring back at the old woman she was becoming

Grumpy Old Women, BBC2

1 – Germaine Greer: “I’ve become the target of the mail order catalogues. It’s like an official notification you are now a frump and here are the hideous things you can wear now.”

2 – Jenny Eclair: “I do think you should be able to slap the legs of people who give you poor service, obviously not break skin or bite.”

3 – Germaine Greer: “I expect young people to be insufferable. It’s their duty to be insufferable.”

4 – Janet Street-Porter: “I f**king hate Felicity Kendall. She looks like a hamster. She’s got that mimsy little face. And I really superloathe Miriam Stoppard.”

5 – Katherine Flett: “What is the point of Justin Timberlake? He’s beyond untalented.”

Grumpy Old Women, BBC2

1 – Jenny Eclair – “I think children should be taught to be bored. We were bored; we were so bored. I went through a coma of depression throughout the 70s. Shops weren’t open on a Sunday and both your nannas came for lunch and you had to be there”. All children should spend at least one Easter holiday sitting on a wall, doing nothing but sitting on a wall, preferably in the north, with bare legs in really bad weather.”

2 – Janet Street-Porter – “A male air steward said to me ‘ Can I get you something, lovey?’ I said ‘What you can f**king get me is a touch of civility’.”

3 – Sheila Hancock – “On the whole, I like anarchists but cyclists never obey any of the rules. Traffic lights don’t exist for them; they go up on the pavement; they weave in and out and then if you dare come anywhere near them then they scream like banshees.”

4 – Ann Widdecombe – “What is all this sport business? There was a time when the lunch hour was for lunch. Now you get people pounding up and down the pavement.”

5 – India Knight – “The glorification of footballers annoys me. I can see that David Beckham and Freddie Ljundberg are aesthetically pleasing but basically they’re just men running around, kicking a ball.”

Grumpy Old Women, BBC2

1 – Germaine Greer on shopping: “I hate just about everything about supermarkets, I hate the fact that I’ve got to park miles away from the door because I haven’t got children and I’m not disabled. There is no place for working women in a hurry – there’s no bay for them.”

2 – Janet Street-Porter: “What pisses me off in supermarkets is fat people… I could happily have a job as a kind of fat policewoman at Tesco’s. I would like to be standing by the check-out going through everybody’s baskets slinging out all the food they shouldn’t be buying.”

3 – Annette Crosbie on shopping: “I can collect quite an interested crowd in Marks & Spencer’s just trying to get a trolley out.” Are they all shouting, “I don’t believe it,” too?

4 – India Knight on men not acting their age: “They should be home reading Turgenev wearing nice clothes, they shouldn’t be running round Soho taking drugs like… w**kers.”

5 – Jenny Éclair on the feminism ideals of the 1960s: “You can’t have it all, actually, not without a fungal infection appearing somewhere.”

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles

18/03/2005

Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!

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