Highlights

• Glimpses of the White Heather Club, a blur of tartan, whisky and widowed women (they may have had husbands but looked like they were grieving)

• Mary Sandeman in her two guises: earnest Scottish folk singer and number one pop star Anneka

• Laughing at BBC Scotland’s failed “attempts to dazzle England with its programme making skills”.

• The debacle that was Live Into 85 where Tom O’Connor told corny jokes amid chaotic scenes of a drunk staring up singer Maggie Moone’s dress, an actor fluffing his poem and Chic Murray protesting that there was no camera on him (there were several)

• Clips of Scotch & Wry, a comedy only seen in Scotland (apart from one episode) which looked fantastic, thanks to actor Rikki Fulton

• Robbie Coltrane still doing his comedy routine as the stroke at midnight arrived – a sin so large that it made the front pages of the Scottish papers

Lowlights

• Ignoramus Garry Bushell was one of the pundits

• Bagpipes

• Sarah Brightman in ski boots nailed to the stage

• The London gospel choir hired to perform Flower of Scotland

• The little girl ringlets in the grey hair of a TV producer in his sixties

• Cherie Blair’s big gob belting out Auld Lang Syne at the Millennium Dome

• Terry Wogan belting out Auld Lang Syne with a lipstick kiss mark on his cheek and Samantha Fox by his side