Quality entertainment, enjoyable singing, witty scripts… these are a few of our favourite things. Therefore, this show isn’t.

What was good about it?

• Playing the Whose The Most Orange? game as we watched the feeble, overtanned judges sitting through the series of unexciting auditions.

What was bad about it?

• Andrew Lloyd-Webber (“I like to take risks”) smirking, speaking, breathing…

• Graham Norton delivering a wit-free, cliché-packed script without aplomb – and certainly without deserving his huge pay packet.

• Norton mugging at the camera and hugging the rejects.

• Judge Zoe Tyler trying to emulate the silly old cow act of Sharon Osbourne on The X Factor, while fellow judges John Barrowman and David Ian tried hard not to be bland but failed.

• The title. The title sequence (fighting nuns on a mountain top)

• The singing from overgrown stage school brats, attention seeking freaks and glass-shattering shrillers.

• The claim that the show “shocked the theatre world to its core” rather overstated the few moans from proper actresses who felt cheated by this amateur hour approach to casting.

• The desperation of the girls to get into Maria School and remain in with a shot of appearing (probably for a week or two) in the West End revival of The Sound Of Music.