What to say if you liked it
Ten lesser luminaries from the world of entertainment brave the savagery of the Australian to raise money for charity.
What to say if you didn’t like it
A menagerie overflowing with freaks and slug-like entities journey off to the cosy jungle surroundings to raise their own profile.
What was good about it?
• Ant and Dec’s brilliant presentation. The best moments were when Dec was outlining the typically easy competition and mentioned it would cost £1 to enter. “A pound?” chirped Ant, “Another cheap competition from ITV.” And also when the camera lingered on Sophie Anderton and Nancy Sorrell, Dec remarked: “They’re looking perky today”, Ant: “Who? What?”, Dec, laughing: “The celebrities.”
• The wonderfully obtuse Janet Street-Porter voicing the frustrations of the nation, and no doubt her meeker camp mates, when she castigated the fragile Natalie Appleton.
• The Delusions of Fran Cosgrove, part one. “People expect me to be the bad boy they read about.” Wrong, Mr Cosgrove. “People” expect nothing of you because they don’t know who you are.
• Joe Pasquale’s persistent bemused expression that makes it seem like someone is trying to tug his brain forcefully through a letter box-sized hole in the back of his head.
• Paul Burrell’s terror when confronted with the parachute jump. He was squealing like the Gammorrean Guard in Return of the Jedi as the Rancor stooped ready to devour him.
• Sophie Anderton’s limited range of expressions that has all the variety and sensitivity of a set of blinds being opened and closed.
• Antonio Fargas instructing a blindfolded Joe Pasquale to tip a box full of eel slime over the staked out Fran’s face in the Bushtucker Trial.
What was bad about it?
• Paul Burrell’s arrogance on how he will be perceived. “People will say he’s lived with the finest and best.” He also has a habit of speaking his feelings aloud to garner sympathy like Dafydd from Little Britain.
• Nancy Sorrell’s insufferable accent, which sounds like two virgin slices of toast making love.
• Natalie Appleton’s constant screaming and sobbing making her increasingly like a ghost from Scooby Doo trapped in a woman’s body. It might be she is trying to engineer pity in the same way Kerry McFadden did last year, but it’s unlikely the public will be duped twice. Still, Natalie at least has the advantage of having a talented husband.
• The Delusions of Fran Cosgrove, part two. During the Bushtucker Trial, when the nightclub owner heard the next box contained spiders he wailed: “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here.” This was a chance missed as Ant & Dec should’ve responded “No you’re not.”, and left him to face the arachnid horde.