I love EastEnders. Everyone who knows me or reads my Mirror Online or Beamly columns knows that I love EastEnders. I sometimes even think that I might love the EastEnders characters more than my own actual real family and friends, (apart from Rapey, Pyro Dean, obvs. Shudder.) but even as a massive fan of the show, I feel it’s gone a bit, well, meh since the whole live week/Lucy reveal thing.
It’s totally understandable, of course. A soap can’t keep up that level of drama and anticipation all the time. The actors would all be signed off with exhaustion and the audience would be on beta-blockers. It would be impossible to keep anything secret and they’d run out of characters to bring back from the dead within a week and a half. But even so, I’m watching Kat swigging bottles of wine and pushing over pregnant women, and thinking, ‘I doooon’t care! I want crying Ian. I want everyone looking shifty. I want Abi saying thing like ‘I just bumped into Lucy and I battered her.’ I want Tanya asking Jane how Adam is, dammit.’ Nothing can ever be that interesting again, ever. Can it?
It’s a bit like how I feel after Christmas and New Year. The presents have all been opened, apart from one lone gift under the tree that belongs to some random relative you only see twice a year. The tree itself is dropping needles all over the floor and the cat has probably had a wee up against it. All the yummy food has been munched and the only things left are a box of mince pies that no one could stomach, and the orange chocolates in the Quality Street tin. Everyone’s just sat round looking at each other, with slightly haunted looks in their eyes, thinking ‘what now?’
Well, Linda doesn’t know if she can love the baby. Knew that. Kat is heading quickly towards alcoholism. Join the queue. And the Vic has already been broken into twice and really needs to up its security game. Then we’ve got Roxy who has fallen in love with her sister’s husband, (shocker, Rox) Jay who may or may not still be in love with Abi,(who cares?) Dot who’s banged up but doesn’t want to see anyone and now Kat having a brush with social services which, quite frankly, is probably long overdue. And where’s Alfie? Actually, forget that, I really don’t care where Alfie is.
Yep. I’ve got a massive case of the post-live week blues. I don’t actually even think there’s a cure.
In fact, the only things that are cheering me up at all are, Mick Carter in a towel, this elusive Vincent person who sounds like the most terrifying person E20 has ever seen, the return of Elaine, the arrival of Denise Van Outen, June Whitfield and Jan Harvey and what exactly has made Kathy pretend to be dead for the last decade. Through her son being banged up for murder and her granddaughter getting murdered?
Actually, now I’ve got all that off my chest, there’s actually quite a lot to look forward to. Thanks. Talking really IS the best therapy.
EastEnders Continues tonight at 8.00pm on BBC One.
Contributed by Katy Brent