What to say if you like it

Johnny Vegas gets his own primetime show and grabs the opportunity by the scruff of the neck, shakes it around a few times and belches in its face for good measure before delivering on his promise: “I’m giving you back the TV that you’ve been denied.”

What to say if you dislike it

18 minutes of idiocy and about 40 minutes of self indulgence

What was good about it?

• The title sequence with Johnny as a cowboy, riding from the mean streets of St Helens to “that London”.

• Johnny spitting in disgust at the thought that he’d be perceived as a TV presenter.

• Ray Winstone’s guest appearance. “You were born in the East End, how come you became a poofy actor?” Johnny asked. “Do you ever stick your finger up your ask while having a wank?” asked an audience member (although Johnny admitted the question had been devised by a “little researcher gobshite”)

• Johnny pulling out his earpiece and screaming at the producer when instructed to wind up the interview with Ray

• Johnny on the toilet while being slagged off by an angry baboon perched on the toilet roll holder

• Johnny’s Deluxe Hamper of prizes (a plastic bag containing a Birds Of A Feather DVD, fags and booze)

• Pro-Celebrity Lock In, a reality show spoof (with its own Diarrhoea Room) in which Johnny got drunk with Terry Nutkins, Keith Barron, Rustie Lee, Martin Offiah, Ro-Land from Grange Hill, Angus Barnett (who?), Timmy Mallett and Roger de Courcey & Nookie at Camden’s The Good Mixer dive.

• Johnny’s death defying leap on a chopper bike over a prone, nervous Ray Winstone

What was bad about it?

• Johnny ruining Sing A Song while being beaten by dancing girls plucked from a northern poorhouse

• Johnny’s ranting and self pity becomes too much to take after an hour

• TV Democracy, an item no better than Noel Edmonds’ grunge tank, in which Neil Hamilton (yes, him again) had to dance for fish.

• The dull item involving shopping TV presenter Nick Davies, “the man who could sell Abi Titmuss dignity” who attempted to turn Johnny into “a doctor of shopping, qualified to prescribe savings.”

• The Jerry Springer/Trisha spoof called Beef & Gravy