Did we like it?
Help, we’ve been desensitized. Our aversion to nonsense such as this somehow eluded us. We found bits of it enjoyable. We’ve considered watching the whole run. We have just booked an emergency appointment with our psychiatrist.
What was good about it?
• We love Chris ‘Hollyoaks’ Fountain because he’s gorgeous (and nicely unassuming) and Jo O’Meara because she was in S Club – and we love the Xtreme balled More Than Words, so their performance (with Chris actually singing better than Jo) was the highlight of the show
• Holby City’s Mark Moraghan outshining ex-Atomic Kitten member Natasha Hamilton on their rendition of Kids.
• Laughing at pompous Nicky Campbell who danced absurdly (almost as badly as Gaby Roslin) and couldn’t even put the mic near enough to his lips as he did I Knew You Were Waiting For Me with Beverley Knight (we love)
• We detest female newsreaders who demand too much attention (eg Nitwit Natasha Kaplinsky) but had to admit that Fiona Bruce did a brilliant job with Alexander O’Neal on Tonight I Celebrate My Love and felt the judges gave them far too few points
What was bad about it?
• The fact that top marks went to Jocelyn Brown (think of Little Britain’s Desiree) and Matt Allwright, who tried annoyingly hard, as they did the awful I Got You Babe
• Past-her-sell-by-date judge Lulu shouting out arrogant nonsense as if she’d been necking speed in the dressing room eg “Respect! I’m down with that” and “My pal Elton John.”
• The other judges were far too kind: Stuart Copeland (who was also a bit shouty), Trevor Nelson (bit dull) and vocal coach CeCe Sammy (who actually provided a useful insight into the singing abilities of the “celebs”)
• Vernon Kay didn’t annoy us as much as he usually does but wife/co-host Tess Daly irritated us like mad, flashing her teeth as she grinned like an idiot throughout
• The terrible timekeeping which resulted in a bit of a rush through the final few pairings.
• Rick Astley’s decision to quit, which meant we had to suffer the smug, twee Russell Watson (with Cutting It’s Sian Reeves)
• The grizzled Martin Fry (with Gaby Roslin) and the equally grizzled Curtis Stigers (with Penny Smith, the worst performer of the night – although she did emerge as quite a sweetie).