Marbella Belles, ITV1

by | Mar 20, 2007 | All, Reviews

Did we like it?

We hate TV shows where wealthy idiots are given airtime so, although this docusoap had some kitsch value, it left us feeling sick that money seems to gravitate towards people who have no idea how to spend it wisely.

What was good about it?

• The exposure of cackling Essex loudmouth Lisa Johnson as possibly the worst mother of all time. Social services should get over to the Costa del Sol sharpish and save her little baby Blue (“Blue? Blue ‘oo? Blue what?”). She hardly remembers who he is, handing him over to Filipino maid Lin-Lin to care for, while she’s busy smoking and undergoing a beauty regime to maintain her look – one that suggests she’s at least 20 years older than the 38 years that have passed since the pointless occasion when she actually came into the world.

• Dennis Waterman’s narration subtly seethed with hatred.

What was bad about it?

• The depressing realisation that some of the five fake-tanned English hags will probably become “reality TV stars” alongside Chantelle, Jodie Marsh and Jade Goody.

• While Lisa took the honours as the most despicable of the women, we also hated Louise, the owner of beauty salon Posh (it’s an acronym for Pissed Off, Stressed & Hormonal), and “bubbly” bimbo Jo, whose squeaky rendition of You To Me Are Everything probably had Harry Hill’s researchers on the phone immediately.

• Why give airtime to women who say things such as “If I didn’t have Lin-Lin, I fink I’d die. I’d die.” and “It’s not a case of have you had cosmetic surgery, it’s why haven’t you?”

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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