ER Series 11, Channel 4/E4

by | Jun 25, 2005 | All, Reviews

1 Abby getting her white doctor’s coat. At last. She certainly deserves it and can now perfect more of her ultra-concerned facial expressions and spend lots more time scribbling things on that perspex board (when she’s not being pestered by the pesky Neela)

2 The action-packed sequence when a road enraged monster forced Chen and Pratt’s car into the river – and the subsequent horror as the power windows kept the screaming woman and calm Pratt trapped.

3 Kem leaving Carter and Chicago. We won’t miss her sour face (yes, we do know she lost a baby, but she was annoying long before that)

4 Kerry Weaver getting full custody of Henry (although the heartwarming conclusion to that storyline was a little rushed). She was also in full-on stroppy mode with the useless Morris. After ticking him off for eating fried chicken, she deprived him of more fun when he volunteered to remove “a foreign body in the vagina” of a drug dealing prostitute.

5 Little Alex trying to pretend to mum Sam that he has drowned in a motel pool


1 – The failed attempts by disillusioned Dr Neela to get jobs in a coffee shop and a fashion store before she finally struck lucky. “Hello and welcome to Jumbo Mart. We have a special on July 4 cupcakes.”

2 – Saint Abby coming to the rescue when OCD-suffering student Howard screwed up

3 – The competitive Dr Barnett – another great character

4 – Rotund receptionist Frank dressed up as Uncle Sam

5 – Student Penny having her stethoscope nicked by a difficult patient


1 The cut from the shark biting the man in the corridor to tomato ketchup being squeezed in the canteen

2 The comedy bedpan whack across Carter’s head

3 Sam and Kovac getting together (to eat eggs and more). Sweet

4 Kerry’s opinion of scruffy new intern Ray Barnett – “It appears we’ve hired the love child of Ozzy Osbourne.”

5 Saint Abby coming to the rescue of the underage prostitute


1 – Ray Liotta’s amazing performance as Charlie, the alcoholic ex-con, who is subjected to all sorts of undignified treatments for his chronic liver failure – including an anal examination “Listen, boss. Exit only!” – but then decides enough is enough and slips away amid a series of sun-drenched dreams

2 – Pratt being deeply affected by Charlie, after initially dismissing him as a waste of time. “I don’t do lost causes on Fridays.”

3 – The use of Out Of Time by the Rolling Stones at the start and end of the episode

4 – The angry woman who was frustrated that she hadn’t seen a doctor. “Who I gotta sleep with to get some healthcare round here?”

5 – Saint Abby almost being outsainted by nurse Sam


1 – The appearance of that frizzy-haired girl from Roseanne whose mouth remains immobile when she speaks as if she’s been Botoxed bad. She’s playing annoying medical student Sara, In ER, all medical students are annoying. But she’s particularly so.

2 – Carter yelling for once. Yeah, let that emotion out, man. You don’t need those prescription meds really. His target was Ray who won a battle to process the most patients against Abby and Neela (miserablest TV character of the week), but only at the expense of a big muck-up.

3 – Ray Barret holding up his bloodied hands in the waiting room (after fiddling with a fire engine v skateboard victim) and shouting: “Next?” with a grin.

4 – The certifiable Dr Dubenko, whose evangelism got a bit out of hand when he started scribbling equations on the wall.

5 – Saint Abby winning the undying love of student Urbanus


1 – Ray admitting he was scared of needles and asking Abby to surprise him to give him a flu jab. She did.

2 – Saint Abby battling with the parents who wanted their daughter to be treated at a better hospital

3 – Kovac being horribly uncomfortable when he gave Alex the birds-and-bees talk; while Alex has no worries about discussing spanking the monkey

4 – Alex getting into trouble for taking a copy of Maxim to school. “We have a no tolerance rule on pornography,” said the fussy principal.

5 – Morris and Weaver were not in it.


1 – Saint Abby only being a little bit saintly this week, but still outdoing sainthood rival Sam who killed a patient

2 – The Asian girl who wouldn’t believe she was pregnant. Even when she was 10cm dilated. Even when a boy was pulled out of her.

3 – Morris perving over pics of Carter’s ex Kem. He is such a creep.

4 – Susan’s lack of authority in her new role (Weaver will teach her) especially during the drill when the ER was invaded by brattish Ranger scouts.

5 – Frank getting snotty about Luka and Sam living in sin – “Real commitment comes with a ring”


1 – Saint Abby returning to work and being chatted up by student Jake after TV Drama Cliche 732: the helping-to-pick-up-dropped-papers routine. She deserves some loving because she’s so lovely. Remarkably, she did get a little stroppy with one patient. “In future, try not to pluck your eyebrows in a moving car.”

2 – Attorney Herb trying to drum up business among patients using a variety of devious means, including putting cups with his picture and number in the vending machines. He even tried to sign up Susan after her hilarious comedy fall on the ice.

3 – The joking patient. “I was a lumberjack but I couldn’t hack it so they gave me the axe.” “My last job was in an orange juice factory but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.”

4 – Pratt getting stroppy (as usual). “Do I have to listen to all this touchy feely stuff all day.”

5 – Neela and Ray agreeing to share an apartment but only because they work different shifts and may never see each other


1 – Saint Abby being kidnapped by two gang members to treat a wounded bruvva whose intestines are spilling out. Our heroine does a great job in difficult circumstances (back of a car, loud hip hop music, gun pointed at head, “Fix my brother, bitch, or I blow your head off.”) but even the saintly one can’t work miracles.

2 – The shooting of the cat by the gang member who’d run it over. There’s something about animal mistreatment scenes that we love (as long as no animals were harmed…)

3 – The patient satisfaction scores are in – Saint Abby is tops with 4.15, miserable Neela is bottom.

4 – Ray’s dismissal of a Latino woman’s yelling in pain with a mere splinter. “That’s what’s known in the ER as Hispanic panic.”

6 – Neela getting fed up with a crying patient. “It’s inappropriate weeping,” she claimed. The guy had just been told his cancer had spread, Neela. Show some compassion, bitch!


1 – Saint Abby delivering Christmas presents to the poor sick children in the ER, which looked so pretty with all its Christmas decorations.

2 – The harrowing scenes when Chen killed her sick father to put him out of his distress

3 – Morris trying to impress his bimbo girlfriend by letting her staple a man’s head wound

4 – Carter coming to the rescue of a choking girl in a shopping mall – and then being mistaken for a child molester

5 – The introduction of the verb “to regift”. It means passing on an unwanted Christmas present to someone else.


1 – We won’t be seeing the sickly sweet and supersonically sickly Kem any more. But that also means we won’t see any more of Carter The Unstoppable Healing Machine now he’s run through the torrential Paris rain to tell Kem he’s going with her to wave his magical curing wand around in Africa.

2 – The gorefest when a man who’d caught his hair in his vehicle’s fanbelt arrived with his hair ripped from his scalp and blood everywhere. Even we squirmed a little and we are dead tough.

3 – Frank’s verdict on Africa. “It’s all mosquitoes the size of toasters.”

4 – Kem’s dishy French lover Michel.

5 – Quite a lot of things we didn’t like: Morris throwing his weight around, the relationship problems affecting Saint Abby and Jake and Saint Sam and Luka, the sewage leaking from the ceiling on to patients, the probably demise of Rockin’ Ray.


1 – Kerry Weaver standing up to her God-loving, gay-hating biological mother and refusing to have a relationship with someone who couldn’t accept her love of girl-on-girl action. We also loved the latest of Kerry’s bad-tempered tour de forces, making everyone jumpy by barking out orders and ticking off the staff

2 – Saint Abby all loved-up and getting giggly with new boyf Jake

3 – Dr Dubenko’s description of a stabbing victim. “The guy’s Swiss cheese.”

4 – Carter getting all macho with the demerol junkie woman and her husband

5 – Susan and Sam moaning about the snow. It’s always bloody snowing in ER. Get over it.


1 – Pratt challenging Neela for the title of most miserable character. “Sorry, Pratt. It sucks to be you,” said Susan. It certainly did when he got dumped for not being adult enough and then watched a bullied boy die after rushing him off home before Wonderful Wendall could spin all her social work spells to make everything nice.

2 – Saint Abby finally falling for student Jake. He’s got matinee idol looks, a terrific bedside manner and oodles of charm – which means he’ll probably turn out to be an axe murderer.

3 – Lysander, the best patient of the series, who chatted away while the surgeons rowed over his treatment for a gunshot wound and all sorts of things were inserted into him. “I think this has been the best day of my life,” he concluded.

4 – Susan battling to raise $100,000 from dodgy drugs companies in order to keep her job. Scandal.

5 – The victim of a fraternity initiation with an arrow in his stomach. These American boys are so dumb.


1 – Jake’s trick involving a paper clip to pop a patient’s eyeball back in

2 – Saint Abby getting all cuddly with boyfriend Jake but then oversleeping, and then getting splashed by a passing lorry

3 – The big-ethics storyline involving a woman who was on hunger strike in order to save her son from deportation. “Try to treat her and I call the police,” said her lawyer.

4 – Pratt’s Spanish letting him down. He thinks “puta” is the word for push, so when he says it while delivering a baby, he gets a beating from the angry husband

5 – Pratt having better luck in convincing a woman with cancer to have treatment


1 – Neela acting like a normal person for once: playing pool (she seemed to have a convincing O’Sullivanish posture, too), drinking a pint of beer (well, we never saw it touch her lips but it was sitting there in Ike’s) and having sex with Mike Gallant (being slammed into the wall in a display of steamy passion)

2 – Pratt showing genuine care for 12-year-old Victor who did his testicles some damage by carrying a gun in his pocket. “I’m not that popular,” the patient explained.

3 – Kovac taking on Sam’s nasty ex-husband Steve

4 – Carter’s battle against a fast food joint being included in the medical facility his family trust is financing

5 – Pratt trying to win favours from Olivia, the woman from anti-gun group Ceasefire.


1 – The compare and contrast exercise involving Neela in Chicago and Mike Gallant in the Iraqi battlefield.

2 – The US authorities pulling out all the stops to help a badly burned Iraqi girl. Like that would happen in real life!

3 – Neela almost getting shagged by Ray’s hunky bandmate – but the stupid miseryguts withdrew her favours just as things were boiling up to a frenzy (well, she had a couple of buttons on her blouse undone, which is very tarty for Neela)

4 – Extra doses of gore this week.

5 – Dr Dubenko admires a cleanly severed arm: “If you had to have your arm cut off, this would be the dream scenario.”


1 – Sex And The City’s Cynthia Nixon stole the show in a strong episode playing Ellie, a mother of three who suffered a stroke. While she was unable to move, we heard the voices inside her head – a clever device which revealed her confusion, denial, anger, acceptance (“Can you do a tummy tuck while you’re at it?”) and fear – before she was given heavy doses of painkiller “What is this called coz it’s really good?”

2 – Ellie singing The Partridge Family classic I Think I Love You as she lusted after Kovac

3 – The doctors being in party mood because bossy Weaver was on holiday.

4 – Moronic Morris being caught out after claiming a black patient caught up in a riot was probably a looter

5 – Neela buying Special K and then coming to the aid of three kids who had paid a bum $7 to pretend to be their father (their mother had died, a plot echoing legendary ITV show The Kids From 47A).


1 – The harrowing splattered kids scene. Truly horrible. But entertaining.

2 – Saint Abby being mistaken for an angel by a dying child (“Are you an angel come to take me to heaven?”)

3 – OCD-afflicted Dr Howard hitting back at criticisms. “I’m being thorough.”

4 – Neela working at JumboMart, bragging that she gets 10 per cent off all purchases – and being criticised for burning a bagel and making a frothy non-froth latté.

5 – Neela returning to work at the hospital, a small compensation for Elizabeth Corday’s sad departure


1 – The underwhelming response to Morris being promoted to chief resident – and everyone coming up with quick excuses to avoid his celebration party at Ike’s. Neela’s get-out was best: “The Apprentice is on.”

2 – Neela blames Pratt for Morris’s promotion. “It’s all your fault. If you’d taken the job, we wouldn’t be living this nightmare.”

3 – Morris gives Neela a choice of patients: “Cat litter ingestion or uncontrollable drooling?”

4 – Carter is promoted to Associate Professor of Emergency Medicine and gets a Happy Tenure cake from his colleagues (but Susan, who also deserves tenure, lost out even though she’s a hard-working heroine)

5 – Saint Abby quietly suffering Jake’s nosey Catholic relatives at a Christening. “I never imagined there were families like this. You’re so lucky,” she said. “I’m ready to go now.”

6 – Sam and Luka almost making up after a day at loggerheads. Please don’t split up; you make a lovely pair.

7 – Kerry Weaver moaning about the taste of her coffee. “Doesn’t anyone change the filters round here?” That woman is the boss from hell – but we love to hate her.


1 – Saint Abby patiently dealing with Red Buttons’ grumpy old man Mr Rubadoux (“Call me Ruby”) whose critical aortic stenosis was playing him up something rotten. Eventually Carter, who killed the old man’s wife 10 years earlier, soothed the patient’s brow with one of those quietly spoken, I’m Mr Compassion routines we get from him from time to time

2 – Kovac and Pratt being childishly impressed with the street luger who crashed at 40mph – and the nurses’ disgust that they were overlooking the fact that they had a casualty to deal with, including some tricky work to cut off his helmet

3 – The odious Morris boring the interview panel senseless with his hour-long presentation on circadian scheduling in order to land the role of chief resident. “Even the medical students think he’s a joke,” was one comment.

4 – Poor Sam being miserable about being pregnant – and the daggers look at the shop assistant who gave her a cheery smile when selling her a pregnancy testing kit

5 – The two old beggar women who compared every person they met to long-forgotten filmstars.


1 – The harrowing splattered kids scene. Truly horrible. But entertaining.

2 – Saint Abby being mistaken for an angel by a dying child (“Are you an angel come to take me to heaven?”)

3 – OCD-afflicted Dr Howard hitting back at criticisms. “I’m being thorough.”

4 – Neela working at JumboMart, bragging that she gets 10 per cent off all purchases – and being criticised for burning a bagel and making a frothy non-froth latté.

5 – Neela returning to work at the hospital, a small compensation for Elizabeth Corday’s sad departure

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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