What to say if you liked it
A comely compilation of those songs we all adore while snuggling up to with our loved ones beside a roaring log fire on our third skiing holiday of the year while our teenage daughters are safely imprisoned in boarding school years ago.
What to say if you didn’t like it
Congratulations. You have successfully passed the BBC Test The Nation’s surreptitious “Identifying Diabolical Shows” examination.
What was good about it?
• Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together.
• After we suffered spiritual pollution on a par with the physical equivalent of loitering in Chernobyl, we were compelled to switch off after 30 minutes for health reasons.
What was bad about it?
• The presence of orchestras in a desperate effort to stuff credibility into the songs like a taxidermist replaces guts with cardboard to create a lifelike stance in dead pets.
• The opinion was sought of Phil Collins, a man whose songs are so bereft of humanity he is even shunned by androids.
• Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together was performed by Lemar, where he followed the classically misguided example of Mariah Carey where hitting notes is mistaken for
• Mick Hucknall was applauded after the first line of his song as though he were a Brummie carpenter appearing on Stars In Their Eyes.
• Soon, we were hoping that a singing carpenter, Brummie or otherwise, would replace the awful Hucknall on stage.
• Donny Osmond’s disposable teen-rot Puppy Love was played acoustically to give it more “meaning”.
• Tess Daly’s justification for the inclusion of co-host Lionel Richie’s brand new tune Just For You as an All Time Greatest Love Song with the endorsement that it “is destined to be a classic.”
• An audience who all looked as though they were trying to recapture their glorious lost youth in order to escape the horrifying reality of three broken marriages, boring suit and tie jobs and a couple of junkie children.