1 – The revolting talking heads montages of the performers praising Freddie Mercury and Queen, using every pretentious hyperbolic cliché in the book – “He had the X-Factor” “He held the audience in the palm of his hand”, “The Everest of creative music” etc. It just seemed so obligatory and false. Mel C hit the nail on the head when she “He could never be replaced” as this show night proved.
2 – The lousy singing of the Corrie Queens as they got all post-modern and did a spoof of Queen’s I Want To Break Free video, which was itself a spoof of Coronation Street. It was funny, though, seeing the fat, hairy blokes camping it up in drag, especially Bruce Jones as Freddie and Michael Le Vell as Roger Taylor’s school girl. Anthony Cotton, the only one who could sing, was quite convincing as a woman, and so a lot less funny.
3 – G4’s cover of Bohemian Rhapsody could teach Guantanamo Bay a thing or too about torture.
4 – Toyah Willcox wearing a Barbarella costume, displaying thunderthighs but not too much singing ability, as she performed Don’t Stop Me Now, ending with a cheeky, seductive whisper of “Have a good time”. The most Queen-like performance of the night.
5 – The stupid audience applauding too early during G4 and Lesley Garret’s performance of Barcelona… TWICE! But maybe it was a hint that they’d had enough.
6 – Heather Small roaring Somebody To Love – her gospel choir backing singers were excellent, though.
7 – Myleene Klass’s rendition of Too Much Love Will Kill You. She somehow managed to turn the passionate power ballad into a drippy, insipid Delta Goodrem-esque piano yawn.
8 – G4 and Lesley Garret “together for the first time”. Which is kind of like having a lifetime of health and then being struck down by diarrhea and flu simultaneously.
9 – Tony Christie’s rather sluggish cabaret version of You’re My Best Friend.