REVIEW: No Offence Series Three Episode Two – Food For Thought

by | Sep 20, 2018 | All, Reviews

There’s a slow start, by No Offence standards anyway, as mourning makes way for drinking. Joy’s funeral is referenced but at the wake we’re reintroduced to the old Dinah/Spike dynamic which seemed to be long forgotten. They’ve always had a bit of chemistry and they find themselves having a smooch because there’s nothing sexier than a wake is there? Cue the titles and cue the madness.

A newly promoted Dinah who had literally just muttered the words “how long do you think I’ve got before I screw this up?” drunkenly confronts undercover cop Bonnie before ending up in a pile of cereal. She’s has definitely had her Weetabix. So, in answer to her question, two minutes, that’s how long it took.

After last week’s shenanigans the obvious place episode two goes is with halal meat being poisoned and causing mass panic in the schools of Manchester. Naturally. It’s as beautifully left field as Albion are right wing. “If it’s Ricin we’ve got a foot in the morgue already” declares a pessimistic Miller. Thankfully it was “only”  botulism, nor had it got into the food supply but the hysteria around it all was brilliant. Never has food poisoning been so fun. From Pot Noodle and a nut allergy through to a visit to Halal Paddy’s (a lovely performance by Victor McGuire) which supplied the funniest of all the lines tonight (“without Omran we’re haram”). It’s the chaos that this show prides itself on.

Pembroke, the “Ken doll with a bum chin” is soon on to Dinah the cereal offender thanks to CCTV footage but the truth slips out about his rogue UC. There follows a strange few minutes with Bonnie at a swimming pool. If Beckett really is “Manchester’s own Moriarty” as referenced earlier then it would have been no surprise if Andrew Scott turned up pulling funny faces mid scene. Quite why they’re at a pool and quite why she goes in it for just ten seconds is a mystery but the importance of this scene lies in the dialogue. Bonnie agrees to be on Dinah’s watch and stay with Dennis Caddy but without surveillance.

This was another madcap, exciting episode that was over much too quickly. It was never going to be able to compete with the adrenaline of the opener but it’s set up even more strands for a series full of intrigue.


– We learn from Mayor Hassan that Dirkin wants to buy out the MET but who controls who in the Dirkin/Caddy/Beckett triangle of nastiness?

– Not too much of Caroline this week but never one to shy away from the limelight, her intentions have a sinister undercurrent to them.

– Marchant and Deering seem like two peas from the same Pod.

– Spike and Dinah’s will they / won’t they certainly is a slow burner but if his wife has been cheating then it could become a full on firework display.

– Viv doesn’t give a twat about Twitter but maybe she’d change her mind if she knew how popular she was there.

Michael Lee

Michael Lee


I live in Devon and getting an accent against my will. Never one for sci-fi until I started believing in Vampires, Werewolves and Ghosts. Drama and comedy obsessive which suits the two sides of my personality - misery and bad jokes.


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