Shameless Series 3, Channel 4

by | Feb 21, 2006 | All, Reviews

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 3 January 2006

Did we like it?

Shameless shambled back with a great story – and loads more Lillian (hooray)

What was good about it?

• The opening featuring sex (in the ladies’ toilets), drugs (also in the ladies’ toilets) and rock’n’ roll (well, a tuneless Auld Lang Syne in The Jockey)

• Veronica’s New Year’s Resolutions: “more fags, more stripogram work and cut out the exercise”.

• Lillian getting work as a (lousy) barmaid in The Jockey.

• Carol’s Road to Damascus in The Jockey’s loo when her prayer to God worked – the man she snogged and sent into shock due to his peanut allergy came back to life.

• Rebecca Ryan stealing the show as Debbie who, ever resourceful, came to Liam’s aid after he faced expulsion for denouncing religion during his Catholic School’s Nativity Play (“God doesn’t exist and the Bible’s all pretend stories.) Her plan – pretending he had cancer – got a little out of hand, though.

• The parody of Live Aid, with Jez introducing the fundraising fiesta Liam Day. “The time is 12.30. The place is Chatsworth Estate. Welcome to Liam Day. Give us your f**king money.”

• The police: “We have reason to believe Class A drugs are being consumed and sold on these premises.” The Jockey’s landlady Jez: “Of course they are; it’s New Year’s Eve.”

• Sheila to little Debbie: “We’ve run out of Sprite so I’ve done you a vodka.”

• Sheila: “My risotto will be turned to mud.”

• Frank to son Lip: “No gear!!!???? You call yourself a f**king teenager!”

• The local newspaper hack: “Sick kids are good but nothing beats a good, juicy murder.”

• Yvonne: “Every time Bono s**ts, he makes a million quid. He aint making my poverty history.”

• Vicky ‘Teachers/Bodies’ Hall as lusty literacy teacher Serena who aimed to seduce Kev. He remained loyal to wife Veronica – but did have to indulge in frantic wanks in the toilet, in a phone box and in the bedroom while watching the DVD Detention Bitches

• Frank and Sheila moving house using a shopping trolley – and spilling the box of dildoes on the way

• Kev’s cut’n’shut car splitting in two

What was bad about it?

• Frank. We still cannot find it in our hearts to love David Threlfall’s scruffy loser – even when he was forced to drag up and sing Good Ship Lollipop for the entertainment of the local cops or when he necked tranquilisers while on the bouncy council.

• Another airing of Slade’s Merry Xmas Everybody. We agree with Kev: “If I hear that song one more time, I’m gonna chin some f**ker.”

• Marty and Sue’s recreation of a sunshine holiday in the Gallaghers’ council house was one wacky story too far

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 10 January 2006

Did we like it?

Eight out of 10

What was good about it?

• The Stars Up Their Arse competition at The Jockey where Frank appeared in the semi-final as Tom Jones, smoking a fag and with his flies open, and as Shirley Bassey in the final. His main competition came from Wendy Wagstaffe as a fat Karen Carpenter and Britney Spears

• Lip and Jack’s scam in which they stole towels and toiletries from hotels which Carol and her team repackaged to flog at the market

• Sheila getting seriously turned on by the sound of Kelly-Marie (“dirty f**king skaghead” according to sister-in-law Veronica) working as a prostitute in the spare room. “He’s calling her a dirty bitch. He’s asking her to bite him. He’s begging her. She’s slapping him.” Earlier, Sheila was worried that Frank would be tempted. “She’s like an au pair without the accent,” he reassured his wife. “Au pair! You’re not going to have sex with her are you? I’ve seen a documentary on Channel Five.”

• More action in the toilet cubicle including Ian falling for Bryan Dick’s Jack’s dick

What was bad about it?

• Poor little Ian being taken for a ride (literally) by Jack

• Poor little Ian being dumped by Kash

• Sheila’s frightening dildoes. Came in handy though to lay low a punter who was laying into Kelly-Marie.

• Lillian in stockings as she tried to seduce Marty after dressing him as a sailor to remind of her late husband Brendan

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 17 January 2006

Did we like it?

The racing tip storyline had too much inevitability about it, but we loved seeing Lip turn into a lovely father to little Katie – unlike his own useless dad.

What was good about it?

• Lip and Ian preparing for a night out to the soundtrack of Boys Will Be Boys by Big Brother Preston’s Ordinary Boys. Lip managed to pull a “posh girl” while Ian went off cottaging with mate Mick.

• Mandy’s waters breaking in the freezer cabinet. Poor peas.

• Veronica – “You don’t need a sense of adventure to live round here. In fact, that’s the last thing you need.”

• Debbie’s battle against Sue

• Lip and Ian in the toilet cubicle trying to identify the penis that Ian sucked so that they can solve the mystery of Mimi Maguire’s missing chavvy bracelet.

What was bad about it?

• Frank being awful as usual, forcing two students to part with a fiver to stop him pestering them in The Jockey, forgetting Sheila’s birthday, nicking a card for her (for a cool nephew) etc

• Far too much cocksucking, according to our mothers. We’re quite happy to see a few blowjobs per programme but our mums don’t.

• Far too many beatings for lovely Lip.

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 24 January 2006

Did we like it?

The DSS swoop on the cheating Chatsworth Estate residents, led by an unthreatening curly-headed ginger lad, brought all the characters into the storylineand made this the most enjoyable episode of the series.

What was good about it?

• Sheila: “I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was trapped in a roll of carpet when I should have been turning on the Christmas lights in Copenhagen, home of the Little Mermaid.”

• Carl being obsessed with sex – and ending up with a tag for his troubles

• Sheila being shattered when Frank shattered her Countdown mug

• Marty chasing his mother when he got the job as a security guard at the Costchopper supermarket

• Carol putting on a posh voice when she rang the Shop A Scrounger telephone line to grass on Lillian, who gets incapacity benefit for her late husband Brendan

Sheila teaches some useful techniques to PC Tony to end his premature ejaculation problem. Her squeezing proves to be more effective than Tony’s method: “I think of all the teams ever managed by Graeme Souness. I even think of f**king Graeme Souness but I’m flooring the brakes but nothing’s stopping me.” When Tony came (too quickly) she wasn’t too concerned about the mess on her glove. “”It’s only a polyester blend.”

• Frank proposing to Sheila in the ladies’ loo

• Sheila: “Some people are intimidated by choux pastry but actually it’s quite straightforward.”

What was bad about it?

• Carol and Lillian murdering The Most Beautiful Girl In The World in their reconciliatory singsong

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 31 January 2006

Did we like it?

After all the high jinks and fun in recent episodes, it was nice that the drama hit a sadder, more sombre tone.

What was good about it?

• The black humour surrounding the suicide of Kev’s mother. There She Goes by The La’s was playing as she tossed herself from her sixth-floor balcony; she landed on a traffic warden (“That’ll be the last ticket he’ll be giving,” joked Kev) and among the traffic warden’s funeral flowers was a huge ‘DAD’ made from parking tickets.

• With Veronica having to comfort the bereaved Kev, her mother leapt in to take advantage of the dinner she’d booked at Luigi’s (with a £10 discount voucher)

• Carol’s adventures with her new manfriend Norman Owens – he seduced her in nudism and a shag on the front doorstep. And she even forgave him when he took her dogging. It all ended badly, though, when his sexual adventures went too far. “He went to the bathroom on me,” she wailed.

• Jill Halfpenny’s portrayal of Kev’s GBH-loving wife Roxy who turned up to ruin their lives.

• The obligatory fight at The Jockey, in the midst of Kylie’s Can’t Get You Out Of My Head at the wake. Veronica objected to Kev dancing with Roxy. “Remember me? I know that it must be hard prising yourself away from tarty tits but I’m your f**king wife.” The mayhem included a headbutt, broken furniture and the sad sight of Debbie collecting up the ashes of Kev’s mum in a smokey bacon crisp packet.

• The beautiful slow motion sequence as Veronica threw out all of Kev’s possessions

• Carol – “I’m always a touch flatulent after carbonara.”

• Kev’s discovery that his mother kept a scrapbook about Princess Diana – “including a section on her bulimia.”

• Carol finally emerging as a decent mother when she cracked Roxy over the head with a wine bottle as she waved a knife at Kev and Veronica.

What was bad about it?

• Norman’s genitalia wiggling around far too much, although it wasn’t the most unappealing penis seen on Channel 4 this week – that was the silicon-injected monster featured on The Perfect Penis on Monday.

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 7 February 2006

Did we like it?

This series gets better and better. This episode interweaved all sorts of stories in expert style and had a lot less of tiresome Frank because it was directed (brilliantly) by actor David Threlfall.

What was good about it?

• Sex-obsessed Carl finally losing his virginity to chavvy Chloe (scraped-back hair/hooped earrings etc) but not before his run-ins with the law and the loutish Maguire family – and a fall through the ceiling of the attic where he’d created a cannabis farm and lovepad.

• The awkward morning-after-the-shag before when Ian was leaving the flat of one-night stand/local cop Russell

• Lip’s boredom during wake-up sex with his temporary girlfriend. “I thought you’d be up and off first thing you,” she told him.

• Carol relishing the moment when she broke what she thought was bad news to Sheila that daughter Karen was a lesbian. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you but they say it’s down to the upbringing.”

• Sheila being thrilled when she thought Karen was gay (she isn’t). “Being a lesbian’s a wonderful thing,” she trilled. She even held a dinner party (featuring oysters and breast-like cakes) for Karen and The Jockey’s lesbian landlady Jez. (“Was your mother a lesbian?” she enquired during the small talk.)

• Sheila pushing Frank to admit Karen’s gay. “I want you to say, loud and proud. Give voice to it.” A reluctant Frank replied: “Karen sucks gash.”

• The petrified desk sergeant calling in the riot squad when Mimi Maguire turned up at the station

• A beleaguered Lip ordering a pint of lager, a chaser and an E at The Jockey – and then consuming them in reverse order

• Carol standing up to Mimi Maguire when asked what she was looking at. “I don’t rightly know but it’s bloody ugly and it seems to be looking back,” she said, while son Marty exploded with Tourette’s syndrome insults “Ermintrude” and “Jabba”.

• Yvonne’s customer service in the minimarket: “Buy something or f**k off.”

• The happy ending when Lip and Mandy decided to give it a go as a pair

• Carl’s failure to pass his mock English exam with the poem: “A fit lad called Carl had a dream of how he could get girls to scream. He’d strip ’em off nude and smear ’em with food, and watch their boobs bounce on a trampoline.”

What was bad about it?

• We didn’t like the kicking the Maguire brothers gave to the little boy

• We don’t really think that Frank would be the sort to say” You’re Karen isn’t into kd lang,” when Sheila told him her daughter was a lesbian

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 14 February 2006

Did we like it?

This was the most sombre episode of the series and not as enjoyable as the rest.

What was good about it?

• Lip laying down the law for Debbie’s houseparty: “No spirits, no class As.”

• Kevin and Veronica comparing their passport photos to Ken Dodd and Myra Hindley

• Kev on Carol: “That twisted old cow wouldn’t know true love if it jumped up and bit her on the minge.”

• Veronica yapping away about the holiday in Cyprus while having sex with Kev. “We’re best taking our own teabags because tea’s really s**t over there.”

• The scene when the anti-drink tablets wear off and Frank can enjoy booze again: the sun came out, the Hallelujah Chorus struck up, people were smiling and dancing, fireworks exploded,

What was bad about it?

• Debbie’s flirtation with being a chavvy little tart (make-up, hoop earrings, short skirts). Thanks goodness she saw sense in the end and spurned the advances of an admirer (“Can I finger you?”)

• Marty’s distress when Sue (boo) walked out, leaving behind a pile of debts – resulting in him reverting to arson (unfortunately, he petrol bombed the Poverty Action charity shop rather than the Debt Crunchers loan shark shop next door)

Shameless, Channel 4, Tuesday 21 February 2006

Did we like it?

Mixing sadness with humour and a touch of the usual vulgarity, this was a marvellous end to the series, which has remained almost flawless (one gripe – the backseat role taken by Ian)

What was good about it?

• Frank’s stag night: lagers lined up on the bar/a monstrous Britney Spears-like stripper/ending up naked on the pool table

• Sheila’s plans for the conservatory (“frosted glass and black-out curtains”) and her wedding cake (“Martha Stewart berry basket cake with wooden dowel supports if I can get them. If I can’t, I’ll make do with toilet rolls.”)

• Sheila fending off the builders with a shovel after realising they’d uncover the husband she buried under the patio.

• Frank’s shock when he discovered the husband had been stabbed (“that was some f**king fall down the stairs”) – and Veronica’s disappointment when the jewellery robbed from the corpse turned out to be fake

• Frank getting mawkish to stop Sheila confessing to the murder of her abusive husband. “If you go to prison, you will kill another man because I’ll die of a broken heart.”

• Frank’s joke at his wedding reception: “What does bigamy mean? One wife too many! What does monogamy mean? The same f**king thing!”

• Marty’s attempt to take photographs at the wedding. Just has he clicked, he had a Tourette’s twitch and only captured a blurred bunch of flowers

• Carol’s facial hair problems

• Debbie using speccy admirer Brian to get her a bridesmaid’s dress in return for a kiss.

• Lip’s fantasy in which he turned into his father, with disheveled long hair and a tendency to fall over in The Jockey

What was bad about it?

• Debbie’s BoPeepish bridesmaid’s dress

• The use of Cliff Richard’s Congratulations to mark the marriage of Frank to Sheila

• Poor Veronica’s IVF failed again

• We don’t think Frank would know about the Labour government’s spin doctors, thus rendering this clever line improbable: “What is it about women? Devious! Like Alastair Campbell the lot of you.”

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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