Did we like it?
ITV tries to replicate the success of The Paul O’Grady Show. Which only makes us wonder why they picked someone as lacking in wit and ability as a presenter or interviewer as Sharon Osbourne.
Highlights of the shows on Tuesday and Wednesday
• The introduction of the blind-date style segment, where Sharon claims to be a matchmaker and asks viewers to get online and put themselves forward for three lonelyhearts. The first three people were averagely tall, therefore comically making Sharon look like a munchkin.
• The mini-gameshow called Sharon Wants A Word wasn’t bad.
• Edna, some old woman that appeared on X-Factor at the weekend and had a go at Simon Cowell, was one of the guests on the show. Although it smacked of desperate booking, Edna pleasingly resembled and sounded like Wallace of Wallace & Gromit.
• Wednesday’s show featured Barbara Clarke, a woman who fought cancer and forced the NHS to make a new drug available to all women with her condition. It was a good story, but the real find was Barbara, whose eloquence and poise put Sharon to shame.
Lowlights of the shows on Tuesday and Wednesday
• Sharon’s woeful ability at presenting a TV show.
• Sharon’s infernal tendency to resort to talking in a baby voice when she wasn’t quite sure what she should be saying.
• Sharon’s constant sycophancy, “Thank you for letting me into your homes,” she squeaked, along with telling everyone all the time that she loves them.
• This was a show absolutely chock-full of puerile innuendo and double-entendre. Not that we’re particularly against innuendo and double-entendre, but it made us long for the days when 5pm on ITV meant Tommy Boyd presenting kids shows with his customary wit and intelligence.
• The main guest on Tuesday, Penny Lancaster, was built up for the first two-thirds of the show as if she was some kind of Hollywood superstar rather than Rod Stewart’s arm candy. When her interview finally arrived, it was nothing more than a five-minute promotion for a calendar she photographed of stars with their dogs. Fascinating.
• The hype surrounding Penny seemed especially strange on Wednesday’s show, as the promised appearance of Beyoncé wasn’t hyped nearly as much. Our suspicions were confirmed when the promised interview turned out to be pre-recorded.
• The whole of the first show felt like a series of promotions – Sony, a holiday company, Penny’s calendar, X-Factor (several times) all featured.
• Penny inviting Sharon to her wedding, to which Sharon asked the date and it all began to get a bit messy as clearly Penny didn’t want to reveal any major details.
• We can only surmise that the roaring crowd had been liberally plied with gin and speed beforehand.
• The awful set.
• The whole show was over-scripted, which didn’t help Sharon at all and meant that the various gags looked embarrassingly rehearsed and were usually poorly timed.
• Emma, daughter of lonelyheart Martin, kept saying her Dad needed “someone up for a laugh”. This seems to always be what single people on dating shows and the like want – you would think as everyone wants it, it would be easier for them to find a mate.
• The fear that struck at our spine when Sharon said: “When ITV gave me my own show I wanted to use it to hear about all the brave and inspiring families out there.” Oh, God, no. Her condescension across both shows made our ears bleed.
• Another guest was actor Brian Capron, who used to be in Coronation Street. Sharon asked him if people shouted at him when he walked down the street. This question is the most tired, done-to-death, deathly dull, lazy and over-used question in chat show history.
• The interview with Beyoncé was embarrassingly cringeworthy. We don’t expect a hard-hitting interview, but Sharon’s toadying was totally shameless. When talking about Beyoncé’s new film, Sharon had the temerity to whisper, “I smell Oscar.” This was followed by an overlong paen where she claimed Beyonce was the only girl alive who was “beautiful – inside and outside,” who could also, “sing… act… write and produce. You’re blessed,” she gushed. Sharon then assured Beyoncé she had voted for her at the MTV Awards and then presented her with a few presents. Awful.
• The Ozzettes. These are Ozzy Osbourne’s three sisters, who Sharon is apparently going to be sending on “undercover” missions in the coming weeks. What with Sharon herself, her husband and his butter adverts, and her two kids popping up everywhere, surely the world has seen enough of this family?