He’s vaguely famous for: Presenting Ministry Of Mayhem, the poor man’s SM:TV.
Who Was He Supposed To Be?: Robbie Williams singing Let Me Entertain You.
What He Really Looked Like: The Joker from the uber-camp ’60s version of Batman.
Wins Points For: His shiny hairy plastic chest was amusing.
Loses Points For: Being the bland, sprout faced, vain kids TV presenter he is. Even in a diamond studded catsuit, he managed to be bland and his performance was just nothing.
She’s vaguely famous for: Playing Di Barker/Grayling/Fenner in Bad Girls.
Who Was She Supposed To Be?: Julie London singing Cry Me A River (not the Justin Timberlake song).
What She Really Looked Like: Jessica from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’s grandma.
Wins Points For: How lovely and down to earth she seemed, and her nice posh accent. She also sang the song beautifully.
Loses Points For: The fact that the song she sung reached number 22 in 1957 and Julie London had no other singles make the UK chart after that, so unless you’re over 60 or have seen The Girl Can’t Help It, the Jayne Mansfield film the song is taken from, chances are you won’t have a clue about either the song or the artist.
He’s vaguely famous for: Playing Gaz in Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps. But he’s also been in Casualty, Fat Friends, Hollyoaks and MIT.
Who Was He Supposed To Be?: George Michael singing I Can’t Make You Love Me.
What He Really Looked Like: Ross from Friends.
Wins Points For: He came across as a funny, nice ordinary guy, the kind of guy you’d love to know at your local instead of the ones you do know. Also he came out with lines like “I’m looking forward to doing that cheesy wave they do before they go in the smoke” and “I can guarantee I’m going to be nervous. This is someone I look up to. I just hope I do him justice, and to think that he might be watching freaks me out”, which could have been said by a “normal” SITE contestant. He was our favourite contestant by far. The clips from behind-the-scenes of Two Pints Of Lager were good, too.
Loses Points For: Saying doing Celebrity Fame Academy was “a big part of my life” and his actual performance. It was boring and he sang terribly. Then again it was a very boring song.
He’s vaguely famous for: Playing DI Neil Manson in The Bill.
Who Was He Supposed To Be?: Morten Harkett from A-Ha singing The Sun Always Shines On TV.
What He Really Looked Like: A young Lionel Blair.
Wins Points For: Deservedly winning the show. Even with the current trend of ’80s revivalism, the song has dated really badly.
Loses Points For: His rubbish jokes: puns on the name A-Ha and how his dog thought his performance was “ruff”. Plus his story about how he came to the very studio Stars In Their Eyes is filmed in for his first audition for television. “I never thought 20 years down the line I’d be doing Stars In Their Eyes”. In other words he never thought he’d fail to make it as an actor and have to go and work as a traffic warden.
She’s vaguely famous for: Playing Kelly Crabtree in Coronation Street.
Who Was She Supposed To Be?: Beyoncé singing Crazy In Love.
What She Really Looked Like: Any of the thousands of Beyoncé wannabe chav girls who crawl out of the woodwork to appear on Pop Idol/X Factor.
Wins Points For: Her sexy leather booted glitter hot pant clad dancers, and her performance being a good attempt to replicate the “spoof songs” of Smack The Pony or Dead Ringers. If that was the intention well done.
Loses Points For: The tuneless and staggeringly bad attempt she made of the song.