Stars In Their Eyes: Reality TV Special, ITV1

by | Aug 6, 2005 | All, Reviews

Al Murray, Pub Landlord

Which reality TV show was he dug out of?: Hell’s Kitchen

Who He Was Suppose To Be? Neil Diamond, singing I’m A Believer.

What He Really Looked Like: A pissed-up fat bloke singing karaoke in a low-rent boozer at 1AM when everyone is too off their face to heckle him or hear any of his tuneless wailing.

Wins Points For: His lovely little dog Molly, and the potato headed statue of himself a friend made of him. Plus he seems like a lovely chap. He talked about how he came up with the pub landlord character 10 years ago as part of a a show he did with Harry Hill called Pub International.

Loses Points For: Saying he and his wife cried when Chris De Burgh won Stars In Their Eyes. Many people did, but not for the same reason. Also, although Neil Diamond wrote the song, he wrote it for The Monkees, so his version is little known. Still, it reminded us of the definitive version – the one Donkey sings in Shrek!

Nancy Sorrell

Which Reality TV Show Was She Dug Out Of?: I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!

Who Was She Supposed To Be?: Karen Carpenter, singing Rainy Days And Mondays.

What She Really Looked Like?: Texas’ Sharleen Spiteri when she impersonated Elvis in their Inner Smile video.

Wins Points For: Her MILF quality. She looked gorgeous, even in the costume they gave her, which was no easy task. Plus the song was quite nice.

Loses Points For: Being duller than ditchwater, and not being able to sing the song.

Josie D’Arby

Which Reality TV Show Was She Dug Out Of?: The Games

Who Was She Supposed To Be?: Toni Braxton singing He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me.

What She Really Looked Like: Javine doing her ropey Eurovision performance.

Wins Points For: Being the only one who actually sounded like who they were supposed to be. Plus she looked great in her costume, the hot sultry look being a complete contrast to her usual toothsome, cheery saccharine ex-children’s TV presenter look. We also liked her story of how she did a spoof of Stars In Their Eyes when she presented The Bigger Breakfast with Dermot O’Leary.

Loses Points For: The fact that 95% of her song was sung by a backing tape so she only had to pout, moan sultrily and shake her booty.

Iwan Thomas

Which Reality TV Show Was He Dug Out Of?: Celebrity Wrestling

Who Was He Supposed To Be: Chris Martin doing The Scientist

What He Really Looked Like: A mechanic bloke from Birmingham going on Stars In Their Eyes pretending to be Noel Gallagher.

Wins Points For: How danceable he looked in his Chris Martin costume. He also gave the best performance out of all of them, he should have won.

Loses Points For: Not sure if this is a bad thing, but he sounded nothing like Chris Martin, and the song he had to sing was pretty boring even by Coldplay standards. And for that disgusting pink jacket he wore as himself.

Paul Ross

Which Reality TV Show Was He Dug Out Of?: Celebrity Fit Club

Who Was He Supposed To Be?: Tommy Steele singing Flash Bang Wallop.

What He Really Looked Like: A D List Celebrity milking the fame of appearing on a reality TV show by doing panto with The Chuckle Brothers and Jack Ryder.

Wins Points For: The dancers and the set design. It wasn’t that impressive, but that’s what won him the show, it certainly wasn’t his performance.

Loses Points For: The apples and pears Adam an’ Eve It knees up muvver brarrn song, his embarrassing half-arsed dancing in a second hand silver suit making him look your dad at a wedding reception, the painful torture of his singing.. but the real ones who deserve derision are the audience for voting it to win. As Ross said himself “Are you all tone death?”.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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