Super Secret Movie Rules, VH1

by | Feb 3, 2005 | All, Reviews

Super Secret Movie Rules likes to think it is some definitive tenet on the art of film-making when in fact it’s just I Love 1975 for the celluloid clique. The quality of commentator is pretty much equal to the bargain basement celebrities of the I Love… shows, the only difference being a British audience will be largely ignorant of their identity.

This means that instead of recognisable non-entities such as Paul Ross, Paul Tonkinson and Kate Thornton we got anonymous American nonentities such as Michelle Visage and Chris Gore. But, like the British talking heads, their opinions and views are contrived and conceited, proving the breadth of the Atlantic Ocean is no barrier to inanity. As international paragon of insignificance Rita Rudner remarked with accidental wisdom: “The dumbest people often think they’re the smartest.”

This episode featured the “Mega Rules” apparent in “stupid movies”. The commentators either exaggerated or twisted the facts to suit their point. When that failed, they simply lied. Did Pee Wee’s Big Adventure really create a national obsession for the “shoe dance”? Or was it a “seminal movie, an Alice in Wonderland for our generation”? In the States, these platitudes might have been true but to a British audience such statements lacked any kind of authenticity.

The “rules” themselves were merely blithe observations that could be applied to individual films, but certainly didn’t apply to all stupid movies as a “rule”. “It takes an idiot to save the universe” might well be true for Dude, Where’s My Car?, but not to Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Wayne’s World.

But it was the clips from those two comedy classics, as well as The Naked Gun and The Jerk, that awarded this programme a semblance of quality. The best scene was from The Naked Gun where Ricardo Montalban’s character is threatening to kill Priscilla Presley unless he is allowed to escape. In response, Leslie Nielsen grabs an innocent bystander from the crowd and says he will shoot her unless Presley is released.

Rapidly running out of steam, the law that “Stupid Characters Are Too Dumb To Die”, virtually repeated the earlier statement“Morons Are Hard To Kill, But Fun To Maim”, while the “awards” at the conclusion were a brief rehash of what had been broadcast before. Ironically, the first rule was “Beware Boneheads Who Have Bright Ideas”. If only the producers had followed their own rules, this trivial trinket would have remained where many of its smug commentators reside – in utter obscurity.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!


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