What to say if you like it
A comedy sketch show about sex that Five pulled off quite successfully (geddit?). Although nothing was really hilarious, there were no real horrors, either. Well worth a second date.
What to say if you dislike it
Trust Five to choose carnal activities as the subject for a comedy series. Then again, we should be grateful that they didn’t come up with sketch show about their other preoccupations, Hitler and sea mammals.
What was good about it?
• The cast of Clare Wille, Dominic Coleman, David Armand, Jo Joyner, Ella Kenion and Tom Price. Our favourites were Jo, who we loved in No Angels, Ella, who we loved in The Catherine Tate Show, and Tom, who we don’t think we’ve seen before.
• No canned laughter
• The posh old women chatting over a genteel cup of tea. “Nigel took me over the patio table. Big as a rolling pin. Couldn’t sit down for a week.”
• Suzie introduces her friend to her husband-to-be – the obviously gay Jeremy. “Suzie’s gonna take a chance on me and I’m going to be her man after midnight.”
• Sex therapist Patty Edwards who is rather disgusted by “the downstairs front business” and was close to vomiting when cunnilingus came up.
• Tim sees old schoolfriend Guy in a gym changing room and reminds him, in a very loud voice, of their days at scout camp, indulging in “salty sucks”.
• The man who has been imprisoned in Spain and is in no hurry to return to his wife, despite (because of) being locked up “with vibrant young men, some of them no better than animals.”
• The employee who has been caught searching on the internet for porn claims he’s dyslexic and comes up with an excuse for all his search terms. Hot Asian teens – “I was actually looking for hot Asian tents. I’m going camping in Cambodia.” Big bouncy tits – “Tots. A nursery for Tom. He’s massive.” Cum all over my face – “Gum all over my face. I’d been chewing bubble gum and it popped.” Anal action movies – “banal action movies”. Fisting – “fishing”. F**king – “ducking… in the event of a terrorist attack”. Big cocks – “opening a chicken farm.” Dido – “I was actually looking for dildo.”
• The farting lap dancer
• The girl who is told a second before meeting her new boyfriend’s friends that he told them she was Spanish so she has to play along immediately.
What was bad about it?
• If we’re being picky, a few of the sketches were only quite amusing (but that’s better than most sketch shows where there are normally a handful of complete duds). The items that we didn’t love quite so much were: the woman who wants her partner to use secret words of love (“Tickle my fairy pocket”); the swinging parents; the compliment-craving wife; the violent, racist new boyfriend; and art teacher Miss Beesley seducing schoolboy Nick