The BAFTA Television Awards, ITV1

by | May 8, 2006 | All, Reviews

Things we liked:

• Sir Alan Sugar trying to curdle alcohol with a grimace.

• Jonathan Ross’s admiration of Jeremy Clarkson for “overcoming any number of physical defects”.

• Davina McCall, because through the clinical editing that was so curt it could have performed delicate heart surgery while supping tea, she became little more than a slightly screechy link while her personality was reduced to a Ceefax menu page.

• Ian Hislop refusing to applaud X-Factor’s win.

• The bark-skinned Bruce Forsyth nervously looking around as if expecting a woodsman to fell him to fuel a fire.

• Rather like spotting the Loch Ness Monster, this is one to tell your grandkids about, the words “Kate Thornton” and “brilliantly” were mentioned in the same sentence.

• Sir Alan Sugar being forced to smile when The Apprentice won, we’ve seen whole continents move with more dexterity than his face.

• Adrian Lester raising his voice to censure the rude rabble who were chattering away in the background.

• Alan Yentob clapping so laboriously he was like a mechanism that has been applauding since the birth of Christ.

• Watching Bruce Forsyth’s face listening to David Jason’s light-hearted remark about “a one million year old man and his sexy sidekick”, then slowly understand the words before the cogs started turning and he realised that he’d been the subject of a joke.

• Anna Ford dressed as though she were about to order the assassination of a vice-president in a Bond movie.

• Agreeing with most of the winners: Dr Who, Help, The Thick of It, Make Me Normal, Anna Maxwell Martin, The Apprentice, Jamie’s School Dinners, Chris Langham and Mark Rylance. X-Factor’s win was drawn from the same well of compassion that compels a mother to give sweets to the unpopular, clumsy kid at her young son’s birthday party.

• The obituary column featuring Ronnie Barker, Richard Whiteley and Mr Bronson. And when the piece ended the shot switched to an ashen-faced Bruce Forsyth as if suggesting that’s where he would be next year.

Things we didn’t like:

• Trinny and Susannah looking as though they’d just been hacked out of the side of a cereal box by a three-year-old with wrong-handed scissors.

• The “Earlier this evening” Awards where worthy winners were shunted into the sidings of oblivion so there could be more fawning camera shots of the appalling Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh.

• The branding of Soaps as “Continuing Dramas”.

• The Dalek appearing on the side of the stage after Doctor Who won best drama series.

• We didn’t spot her, but we’ve learned Vanessa Feltz was there.

• Because it wasn’t live, all the vibrancy and sense of excitement had been exor-cised. We already knew all of the winners and the bits we’d looked forward to such as Armando Iannucci’s acceptance speech were stripped away leaving it nothing more than a glorified medal ceremony without the national anthems but with Louis Walsh’s bulbous punctured-football head and Simon Cowell’s haughty expression which said: “You know what, I’m above all this. I’ve got my own series in America.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles

08/05/2006

Editor of the website and host of the podcast. A general TV obsessive. I've been running the site since 2008 and you can usually find me in front of the TV. My Favourite show of all time is Breaking Bad with Cracker coming a close second. I feel so passionately that television can change the world and I'm doing my little bit by running this site. You're Welcome!

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