1. Jonathan Ross’s merciless and very, very funny monologue.
The highlights included:
• How to tell the difference between Ant and Dec (“Ant’s on smack, Dec’s on crack”)
• “The Comedy Awards is 15. And like all 15-year-olds, it’s drunk, dangerous and probably going home with David Walliams.”
• “From The Farm we’ve got some desperate celebrities, and from Frank Skinner’s show we’ve got the News At 10.30.”
• “Abi Titmuss has probably been tied to more bed posts than David Blunkett’s dog.”
• “Matt Lucas – some have speculated he’s not the only gay in the double act.”
• “Avid Merrion is locked away, working on that difficult second joke.”
• “Eyes Down – a show so horrific even Al Jazeera refuses to show it.”
• “Harry Enfield – he’s still missing presumed dead.”
2. The grotesque pairing of the deranged Brigitte Nielsen and perspiring Robin Cook to present an award, and Ross’s horrified expression when the lanky Nielsen starting stroking the forehead of the diminutive former minister.
3. Matt Groening’s acceptance speech. (“I have never been around so many fa-mous people I’ve never heard of, telling jokes I don’t understand.”)
4. Most of the awards went to the correct recipients, although shoving the writers’ award towards Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant seemed more like a “thank you for coming” consolation than a recognition of The Office.
5. Ricky Gervais’s acceptance speech. (“I can speak for Stephen as well, we’re proud of my writing.”)
6. Johnny Vegas’s rant at television presenters and his mocking of Ross for losing to Ant and Dec. “You’ve been robbed by two lads half your size.”
7. Ross quickly picking up that Jack Osborne hadn’t a clue about any of the nominations for the award he was presenting.
8. Jack Black’s acceptance speech/song for School of Rock.
9 Nighty Night’s triumph
10 The adulation for one.tel’s marketing director
1. The utterly pointless introduction by LL Cool J, a minor rapper with his best days almost 20 years ago who has since forged a career for himself as a supporting actor, who did that very insincere trick by American stars when they mention the name of the
country they are eulogising as if to compensate for their ignorance of the event itself. Plus, there wasn’t even a comic punch line.
2. Hosts ITV receiving a suspiciously high amount of awards – most notably the likeable Doc Martin triumphing over the excellent Shameless (even Martin Clunes was slightly embarrassed), and the reliable Caroline Quentin over Julia Davis’s deranged Jill in Nighty Night. Remarkable for a station that hasn’t produced a decent sitcom since The New Statesman.
3. The trailers for the People’s Choice Award took up too much time – especially as it was voiced by the too-excitable Howard Hughes.
4. Noel Gallagher in the front row, still leeching off the success of Morning Glory nine years on.
5. Johnny Vegas’s rambling monologue being distinctly less amusing than last year, which also led to the first half of the show being rushed through because of the time he’d used up.
6. Matt Groening seemed to get a standing ovation because he was American and present rather than for creating the Simpsons.
7. Professor Stephen Hawking’s appearance didn’t really work in the live envi-ronment as the enunciation of his voice takes a while to process (Well done, Ricky Gervais, for being brave enough to point out how dull it had been).
8. David Walliams failed to give Ross some retaliatory jibes when he went up to receive any of his three awards.
9 The opening routine with Leslie Phillips
10 The rubbish trophies (made by six-year-olds in Filipino sweatshops, according to Ross)