What to say if you liked it

The valiant celebrities who came oh so close to defeating a bunch of self-important “legends” last season limber up for another crack.

What to say if you didn’t like it

Just like a black hole sucks in all matter from a vast vicinity, so minor celebrities congregate wherever there is a chance they can expose themselves with indecency on national television, even Sky One.

What was good about it?

• The “bleep” tests where the 42 applicants had to jog from point to point and keep ahead of a beep sounding. The best were athlete Iwan Thomas, Sky Sports News presenter Dave Jones and actor Philip Olivier.

• Big Brother winner AnTHony Hutton expressing humility about being in such esteemed company, not realising that he’s certainly no less worthy of attention than X Factor’s Steve Brookstein, podgy Coronation Street cast members and knackered old sports stars

What was bad about it?

• Former Curiosity Killed The Cat singer Ben Volpjihgprrif being described as a “celebrity”. While many of the others were pushing it describing themselves as celebrities, Ben Volponvejofvj calling himself famous was like Pangea claiming it was still a continent.

• The way in which the potted history of Graham Taylor proudly recorded his achievements in taking Watford and Aston Villa to second place in the First Division,

rejoiced in his feat of remaining unbeaten in his first 12 matches as England boss, then stopped dead.

• Friend of Robbie Williams (an automatic squad selection) Jonathan Wilkes decrying individuality in football – “There’s no ‘I’ in team.”

• Lee Latchford-Evans and Andy Scott-Lee turning up for a celebrity reality show as surely as radiation burns follow a nearby nuclear explosion. • Still captioning Philip Olivier as “Philip Olivier – Brookside”. It ended years ago.

• The dreadful MOR music that soundtracked the triumphs and failures of the celebrities.

• Dream Team’s Terry Kiely looking very chubby.

• Graham Taylor expressing a love of Boyzone’s music