Did we like it?
A documentary about the Spice Girls reunion scraped the bottom of the barrel with its talking heads – Jodie Marsh, Peaches Geldof and Katie Hopkins and guess what? We, the Great British Public, via yet another cash-generating phone-in vote, could decide if the reunion was a good idea. Based on the premise that nobody who disliked the Spices would bother watching the programme, can you guess which way the vote went? Well, since the programme had tried to blame the Girls for the rise in female binge drinking; the increase in eating disorders; dreadful fashion sense and crass product tie-ins, surprisingly we voted ‘No’ – we didn’t want them back.
But the absence of any percentage breakdown left us feeling mighty suspicious.
What was good about it?
• Clips from the entertaining videos the girls used to make. That new song’s a stinker though, isn’t it?
• You could play ‘Guess the year’ based on what Geri looked like and how much she weighed.
What was bad about it?
• The opening line of the voiceover: forget the Led Zeppelin gig, or Pink Floyd at Live 8, or the Police getting back together, or even Take That reuniting; apparently the ‘Comeback of the Century’ is the Spice Girls reunion. Absurd hyperbole from the start…
• According to Jodie Marsh, ‘Girl Power’ was about “sticking two fingers up to lads, who’ve been pulling birds, drinking beer and being outrageous for years and saying now we can do it too, and you can’t stop us!” How aspirational, Jodie. Who says human beings are constantly evolving?
• Katie Hopkins thinks that being a single Mum, having an affair or two, being left by your husband is “just life. That’s the sort of thing that people who go out and live life, who are fun people, do.” Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. Self-justification on an epic scale.
• Those of us with at least half a brain and a smidgeon of fashion sense knew at the time that those platform trainers the Girls used to wear were bloody awful. Not Jodie Marsh! Only the benefit of hindsight has made her realise what monstrosities they were. Mind you, would you expect any better from a woman who wore combat belts over her knockers?
• During the discussion about the Spice Girls vast merchandising operations, Brian Dowling claimed that if Spice Girls turds (he said poo, but let’s call a spade a spade) were packaged up for sale they’d be a big seller. And that he himself would buy them. (For what purpose, he was unsure) It was at this point that we became convinced that the programme had been made by Chris Morris. Either that, or we’d unwittingly ingested hallucinogenic drugs.
• The filmmakers let us all down by not pumping poison gas into the room when Katie, Jodie, Brian and Peaches were being interviewed.