Saturday 6.00pm Kids Do The Funniest Things ITV1
8.00pm I Know My Kid’s a Star VH1 – A UK showing of the US reality show that our columnist Luke has been raving about. Danny Bonaduce hosts the competition featuring pushy parents and their talented children who want to make it in Hollywood. Unmissable for all the wrong reasons.
8.00pm Cyberterrorism Crime & Investigation
9.00pm Creative Industry Lecture Series – Sir David Attenborough BBC Parliament
9.00pm N’sync Biography – The story of the boyband.
Sunday 6.00pm BBC Young Musician of the Year: 30th Anniversary BBC2 Coverage continues throughout the week on BBC4
7.00pm Gladiators Ready! Sky One – Ahead of Sky One’s revival of the game show, a look back at the programme’s success around the world and an introduction to the 12 new Gladiators. Eye candy alert!
7.00pm The Birth Of Israel BBC2 – Documentary examining events leading up to the Israeli war of Independence in l949 and the continuing impact on Arab/Israeli relations.
7.00pm How To Marry A Prince Biography – Series in which Christopher Biggins talks to women who have dated royalty, have worked in the royal household or been friends of princesses. Does every reality show winner have to get a series commissioned?
8.05pm The Flood ITV1 – Drama imagining what would happen if London flooded. A raging storm coincides with high seas, unleashing a colossal tidal surge which overwhelms the Thames barrier. Stars Robert Carlyle as top marine engineer Rob, Tom Courtenay as his father Leonard, Jessalyn Gilsig as Thames Barrier expert Sam, David Suchet as the deputy prime minister and Nigel Planer as meteorologist Hoskins. Concludes Monday. CGI and Tom Courtenay – unmissable
8.15pm Grand Designs Live Channel 4 – A week-long series of daytime and primetime specials hosted by Kevin McCloud, who will be paying tribute to Britain’s most inspired homes and overseeing the building of his own house. Also features Dave Gorman’s guide to some of the worlds most extreme homes and a competition to find the Grand Designs Home of the Year in which George Clarke,, Janet Street-Porter, Naomi Cleaver and George Clarke pick their favourites in five different categories. Continues all week at 9.00pm. We hate the trails for this with Kevin McCloud as a boxer. He should know better
g Guest list• David Coulthard, Vic Reeves and Bez on All Star Mr and Mrs, Saturday, ITV1• Simon and Chris Donald of Viz fame, Ian Le Frenais, Maureen Lipman, Leigh Francis on Comedy Map of Britain, BBC2, Saturday• Akala, David Jordan, The Script and The Wideboys featuring Shaznay Lewis on The Green Room, Channel 4, Sunday• Liza Minnelli on The South Bank Show, ITV1, Sunday• Tony Curtis on Shrink Rap, Monday, More4• Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Spiritualized, Emmylou Harris, The Fratellis, Santogold and Chris Diffordon Later Live…with Jools Holland, BBC2, Tuesday• We Are Scientistson The Wall, BBC3, Tuesday• Jimmy Carr and Minnie Driver on The Graham Norton Show BBC2, Thursday• Bill Bailey hosts Have I Got News for You, BBC1, Friday• Sir Alan Sugar, Johnny Vegas, Jade Jagger, Vampire Weekend on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross BBC1, Friday• Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Spiritualized, Emmylou Harris, The Fratellis, Santogold and Chris Difford on Later…with Jools Holland, BBC2, Friday
Monday 3.00pm Gossip Girl Day ITV2 – Back=to-back episodes of the enjoyable New York-based teen drama.
5.00pm Grand Designs Today Channel 4 – Daily series presented by Melanie Sykes linked to Grand Designs Live. Features items on design, interiors, gardening and cookery, celebrity guests including Zoe Lucker, Debra Stephenson, Kacey Ainsworth, Janet Street-Porter and Kim and Aggie plus transformations carried out by Naomi Cleaver, Diarmuid Gavin and Sarah Beeny.
7.00pm Val Doonican Rocks BBC2 – Pauline McLynn-narrated portrait of the Irish entertainer.9.00pm Christina – A Medieval Life BBC4 – Michael Wood investigates medieval times in the village of Codicote in Hertfordshire, amid the Great Famine and the Black Death.9.00pm The Real Jason And The Argonauts History Channel
9.00pm Everybody Hates Chris Paramount – Series three of the US sitcom.
3.15pm Through the Keyhole BBC2 – Return of the game show presented by Sir David Frost and Lisa Snowdon. Guests today are Tim Vine, Eve Pollard and Kristian Digby.
9.00pm Too Fat To Toddle ITV1 – Documentary focusing on four families with overweight children under the age of five who are helped by Professor Paul Gately and his team of experts from Leeds Metropolitan University. TV is so obsessed with fatties. Get over it.
9.00pm Battle Survivors National Geographic – Series featuring archive footage, photos and first-hand accounts to tell the stories of the survivors of some of the bloodiest battles in history.
10.00pm Amy Winehouse: What Really Happened Channel 4 – Journalist Jacques Peretti looks behind the headlines at the singer’s drug and alcohol-fuelled lifestyle. Her again!
10.00pm Spa of Weight Loss For Life UKTV Style – Five-part series following people as they undergo detox programmes.
11.00pm The Colbert Report FX – Satirical US news show fronted by comedian Stephen Colbert. Comes recommended
11.05pm Jesus Camp Channel 4 – Documentary following devout Christians Levi and Rachael as they attend Kids on Fire, run by Pastor Becky Fischer, where children are taught to become dedicated Christian soldiers.
8.00pm Child of Our Time BBC1 – Return of the series in which Professor Robert Winston follows the lives of 25 British children until the age of 20. Now eight, the kids are struggling to make sense of gender roles. Always watchable and educative.
8.00pm The British Soap Awards ITV1 – Hosted by Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton. Followed by The British Soap Awards 2008: The Party on ITV2 with Michael Underwood and Caroline Flack. It’s the night the tarts almost show there tits.
9.00pm Clarissa and The King’s Cookbook BBC4 – Clarissa Dickson Wright tracks down Britain’s earliest known cookbook. The Forme Of Cury is a 700-year-old scroll written during the reign of King Richard II.
9.30pm Illuminations: Treasures of the Middle Ages BBC4 – Art critic Andrew Graham-Dixon visits a new exhibition at the Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge.
Thursday7.00pm Women In Black BBC2 – Series in which Amani Zain examines the life of Muslim women.
9.00pm Midnight Man ITV1 – Three-part thriller starring James Nesbitt as Max Raban, a journalist who rakes through bins seeking celebrity stories and uncovers information about an international conspiracy. With Catherine McCormack as Raban’s unlikely ally Alice Ross, Zara Turner as his estranged wife Carolyn, Rupert Graves as political lobbyist Daniel Cosgrove, Ian Puleston Davies as newspaper editor Jimmy Kerrigan and Reece Dinsdale as anti terrorist officer Blake. Written by David Kane (creator of Sea of Souls); made by Carnival Films. The programme of the week.
9.00pm The Making of a Monster Crime & Investigation – Psychologist Kerry Daynes explores the stories of the world’s most infamous killers.
10.00pm 10 Items or Less FX – Partly-improvised US comedy series set in a family-run New York supermarket.
7.00pm The Trees That Made Britain BBC2 – Return of the series fronted by Tony Kirkham and climber Jon Hammerton.8.00pm Police Interceptors Five – Six-part series featuring footage of police officers in Essex pursuing criminals. Made by Raw Cut TV
9.00pm Mad Men Music Night BBC4 – A night of programmes featuring the music stars of the late Fifties and early Sixties – the time period of US drama Mad Men. Features Fever – The Music Of Peggy Lee, 22.00 Kings of Cool: The Classic Crooners and The World of Nat King Cole.
9.00pm Across The Andes BBC2 – Series in which 10 disabled teenagers journey from the Amazon rainforest in Ecuador to the Pacific Ocean.
9.00pm Medics: Emergency Doctor National Geographic – Fly-on-the-wall series following the doctors, paramedics and pilots who crew the East Anglian Air Ambulance.
10.00pm RPA Hospital National Geographic – Fly-on-the-wall series following staff and patients at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney.
12.25am Love Music Hate Racism Channel 4 – Concert featuring The Good, The Bad and The Queen, Hard-Fi, Jay Sean, The View and Roll Deep.
g Subject list• Am I Normal? Sex. BBC2, Monday• True Stores Taking Liberties. More4, Tuesday
• Natural World Spectacled Bears – Shadows of the Forest. BBC2, Tuesday• The True Story Al Capone and the Untouchables. Five, Wednesday
• Storyville The extraordinary Baroness Moura Budberg. BBC4, Wednesday• Those Were the Days 1966 World Cup. ITV3, Wednesday