The Worst Christmas Jobs In History, Channel 4

by | Dec 26, 2005 | All, Reviews

Who would we most like to see condemned to perform the vile tasks detailed by Tony Robinson?

Roman vomit collector: Tara Palmer Tomkinson, so she would realise what it’s like to cleanse herself from the TV screen.

Church bell ringers, who had to ring the bells once for each year since Christ defeated Satan, this year would be 2005 times: James Blunt, to drown out his voice.

Faggotters, peasants who collect pieces of wood to sell for a pittance at market: Pussycat Dolls, to reveal to them their true worth to the music industry.

Snaring a boar, and then preparing it for a feast: Simon Cowell, so he has a clearer understanding of the evil of killing a free animal and manufacturing it into a lifeless, pre-prepared effigy for consumption by the mindless masses.

The justice of the peace, obnoxious puritans who enforced Cromwell’s edict on the populace that Christmas was Satan’s Workday and that shops should remain open, but were often assaulted by the irate proletariat who objected to their mood being determined by officious busybodies: Anyone who has said to someone not sharing their myopic, rootless optimism over the past two weeks “Cheer up it’s Christmas”.

The back end of a pantomime horse: Whoever commissioned Soapstar Superstar as such a sterile imagination should not be in control of even the most rudimentary vehicles.

Dollmaker, children as young as six work with hot wax, and the hair weaved into the heads could be diseased: Louis Walsh.

Luke Knowles

Luke Knowles


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