Did we like it?
One of the more enjoyable live shows was rounded off nicely with the result: Rachel and her racket are gone. Hooray.
What was good about it?
• Alexandra has edged her way to the top of our league, despite being uncool enough to tell Take That she had “their picture frames on ehr walls” (no pictures, just the frames?). We loved her fantastic arrangement of Relight My Fire.
• Diane’s Patience was nicely idiosyncratic and Eoghan’s Never Forget had its memorable moments, although the choir were so loud we didn’t find out if he hit the high notes or not.
• We’re not sad to see the back of Rachel. If she has a good voice, we must be going a bit deaf. The notes were all over the place during I Could Rule The World – and no, the near-naked men messing about in the curtains didn’t distract us – and her sing-off song I’m Not Going (oh yes you are) was indisciplined with just the odd scattering of on-the-nose notes.
• Gary and Mark of Take That were nicely encouraging during the masterclass in singing – although we suspect they could learn as much from some of the contestants as they could teach. (To no one’s surprise, Howard and Jason declined to pass on their tips).
• The guest appearance by Same Difference. Pity they mimed, though. We love the chorus of We R One (the verse sucks) and it was great to see they haven’t lost any of their grinning, wide-eyed craziness.
• The guest appearance by Rhydian who was dreaming the impossible dream with intensity and some very big notes.
• Without Daniel, we were spared another round of sob story Top Trumps.
• Eoghan appearing to be trying to hump Simon when he got through the next week’s show.
What was bad about it?
• Dannii forcing out some tears to hype up the song-nicking row with Lousy Louis.
• Ruth’s wind-assisted shouting performance of Love Aint Here Anymore, which sure didn’t deserve the rave reviews, and JLS’s average attempt at A Million Love Songs that featured too much of Aston in weedy voice mode.
• JLS should have credited The Choir’s Gareth Malone who came up with the idea of mixing Stand By Me and Beautiful Girl on his BBC2 series. And the desperate “Stand by JLS” lyric change at the end had the stamp of Lousy Louis.
• Lousy Louis’s pathetic, borrowed critique – “You are like FedEx, you always deliver.”
• Lousy Louis showing how thick he is by pronouncing adulterated as aldurated when he tried to read to autocue.
• Dermot O’Leary is becoming as idiotic as Vernon Kay, dancing around, miming, whooping things up.
• Dermot is also a liar. Take That’s humdrum Stay Close To Me was not “a stunning performance” by any stretch of the imagination.
• Cheryl’s “I wish I didn’t have to do this” whining.
• Cheryl’s indication that she wanted to have sex with Eoghan.
• Brian’s stupid fluffy stole, Mark’s porkpie hat, JLS’s crappy suits, Cheryl’s ridiculous earrings, Cheryl’s hairband, Yvie’s pigtails, Alexandra’s hair, Eoghan’s unconvincing chav lad look – a night of fashion disasters.